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ricky gervais twitter

A Weirdo Trolled Ricky Gervais But Truly Missed the Point | Netflix Is A JokeThere was a big news st

Netflix Is A Joke

Updated on Jan 21,2023

A Weirdo Trolled Ricky Gervais But Truly Missed the Point | Netflix Is A Joke

There was a big news story last year,,right, it was about a terrible train crash.,Now the train crash had happened about a year before,,and there was a big inquiry.,And the results of the inquiry were published this day,,and so there was an expert on the news.,And he was saying, "Well we've looked at everything,,and we've decided that the speed of the trains,on this particular line were a contributing factor,to the accident, so we're going to slow them down a little bit.,And statistically speaking, this shouldn't ever happen again.",That should have been the end of it.,But the guy went, "Well we went out and asked the general public,what they thought.",So then there was three banal vox pops.,The first one said, "Well I already pay £960 a year,,so I'm not happy.",The next one said, "Well it takes me 45 minutes each way,,so it's not good enough.",And the last one said,,"Well I always say it's better to arrive at work late than dead.",Why is that on the news?,And when is that applicable in any situation?,All right, Ted? You're in early.,Ted?,Oh, no Ted!,We've been through this.,Remember I said I'd rather you arrive late than dead?,But... the big enemy,is stupidity... right?,I wanna share with you the most stupid tweet I ever got, I think.,Now, admittedly, when I first got on Twitter,,I pushed my agenda a little bit. I was an outspoken atheist.,Not ‘cause I thought I’d change anyone's opinions.,I thought it was important to tell the other side. You know?,There are still 13 countries where people,are put to death just for being an atheist.,People bullied. And I just wanted to say, "It's fine to be an atheist.,It's fine to believe in God, and it's fine not to.",That's all I was saying, really.,And then I realized I didn't even have to tweet,about religion or atheism.,I could just tweet a fact,,and that annoyed just the right people. Right?,I'd tweet things like "Happy birthday, Earth.,Four point six billion years old today.",And someone would always go,,"Aw, we know what you're fucking doing. We know what you’re doing.”,So, this is a tweet I got from someone after one of those, I assume.,And... it was all in capitals,,which excited me...,That's the sign of Twitter madness.,Mixed with anger. It's great, right?,And I looked at his profile.,And sure enough, he's a gentleman from Texas.,He's a fundamentalist, creationist Christian.,Which is fine!,He loves God. He loves God and...,fetuses, mainly.,He loves the fetus from conception,to when it turns out gay, and then he's...,Right, so remember it's all in capitals. He's shouting at me.,Best tweet ever.,"YOUR SCIENCE--",My science, right?,Science, by the way, is spelled S-C-I-E-N-T-S.,Already good, isn't it? I mean...,He's obviously heard the word, he took a guess...,Never seen it written down, because it's not in the Bible. So he's...,"YOUR SCIENTS WON'T HELP YOU...,Well, it will.,It's helping him...,beam this little message up to a satellite and down to me.,"YOUR SCIENTS WON'T HELP YOU WHEN SATAN...",Of course he believes in Satan. Why wouldn’t he?,He believes that God made the universe in six days.,You're not gonna say to him, "Do you believe in Satan?",And he’s gonna say, "Bit far-fetched.",Why doesn't God kill Satan?,That's... what I'd ask him.,If I was wrong and I met God,,And I'd go, "Oh, you do exist.",He'd go, "Yeah.",I'd go, "Well in which case, I've got a few fucking questions, mate.,In fact, the first one would be,,"Why did you make chocolate kill dogs? Whats-",Mental, right?,Also, if you hate homosexuality so much,,why did you put the male G-spot up the arse?,What...,What is wrong with you?,Then I'd say,,"Why don't you kill Satan?",And he'd go, "What?",I'd go, "Why don't you kill Satan?,If he does all the bad stuff,and you do all the good stuff, yeah, and you want good stuff, yes?,I mean, you do want--","Yes, yeah.","And you could kill him, couldn’t you?,If you wanted? Yes, ’cause you can do anything, easy.","Yeah.","Why don't you kill him, then?","Because...,Shut up.","YOUR SCIENTS WON'T HELP YOU,WHEN SATAN IS RAPING YOUR BRITISH ASS.",And he's got a point.,Because if I die,,and I find myself in Hell,,being raped by Satan...,Science has pretty much let me down.,But it's this last line that he just throws away.,The line that he signs off with,,makes this the best tweet I've ever received.,"YOUR SCIENTS WON'T HELP YOU WHEN SATAN IS RAPING YOUR BRITISH ASS.,I'LL BE LAUGHING.",So... he's there too! He's...,So, he's a fundamentalist... Christian,,who's lived his life by the Old and New Testaments.,He dies, he wakes up in Hell, right?,Which must be off the charts,on the scale of emotional trauma...,"Oh, my God, I'm in Hell!,Oh, my God, why have you forsaken me?,I mean Hell is the worst because it’s for eternity!,I'm gonna be tortured for eternity!",He sees me getting raped and goes, "Ha, ha, ha!",Well he's suddenly over it, is he?,His day's suddenly got a little bit brighter. Right?,And like he's not next, right?,So I'm getting raped, right, by the Devil, right?

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ricky gervais twitter catalogs

Ricky Gervais Twitter Live 149
Ricky Gervais Twitter Live 161
Ricky Gervais Twitter Live 162
Ricky Gervais' Hilarious Tweets
Ricky Gervais Twitter Live 160
Ricky Gervais Twitter Live 159
Ricky Gervais Enjoys Freaking Out Twitter Trolls

Ricky Gervais Twitter Live 149

while to get it all lovely and shiny and,put on the website and make it available,but uh,coming soon,listen to that this is the first 20,or 21 i think,i think you can get them,get them all for like 25,um,or,i don't know what it'd be 18 pounds i,don't know,but hours and hours,and uh it's good it's all about,well-being get it get it get that right,have like 15 hours whatever it is,and then go for a little walk and listen,to stuff,listen to me,and,go for a walk every day a little bit of,you,time um,got loads of questions so many questions,i'm not going to get to all of them i'm,telling you now so i i'll i'll whiz,through them um,thank you for,uh,the comments about the the official,trailer,mental,i mean,i had like a million views,straight away and now i think it's like,five,um,million with all the people that have,tweeted it and on facebook and,everything uh so thank you,well went down the treat,right,leopold and love day,uncle ricky,that's fine,it's not weird at all,uh we see kev's alcoholism and and in,derrick and derek and we see julian's,drug addiction in afterlife have you,known people like these with struggles,that help you with your storylines well,of course um,it's you know it's all around isn't it,um,and uh,yeah,um,i mean,some of it isn't even diagnosed you know,when i was growing up,um,everyone had a drink and didn't think,anything of it you know,it was weird if you didn't drink,it was when you didn't drink,so it's it's there and um yeah you find,stories you know,amongst the sad stories there are funny,stories uh i still know loads of people,that,are alcoholics that just don't drink,anymore um,and uh uh you know that they explained,to me that you're always an alcoholic,you just don't get drunk,anymore you know it's a it's a condition,it's a it's your people are built like,that you can't help it you can't help,being born addicted to,you know alcohol or whatever um,all you can do is try and control it,with help and everything um,so yeah yeah you know you take all these,things in and uh,um,leslie,love the new trailer for afterlife thank,you,how was it working with anthony again,brilliant also the clip where she puts a,poor print on the paper,did you keep that and frame it,funny you should say that,there it is i knew at the time this,would be,a sought after thing for charity,that's an israel paw print they're the,one that we actually did in the show,um,and uh i'm gonna auction that,uh or,i'm either gonna auction it,well i promised it to all dogs mata the,money,and i thought i thought of,um,putting on ebay,and you know you want to make sort of,thousands but the problem with that is,there is someone who will you know be,able to afford and pay 5 000 or whatever,but,what might be nicer is like real fans,you know pay a quid to be in an auction,and they might win it so you know,you want to do the one that raises,enough money but that that's my,preference that all dogs matter auction,it so everyone's donating tour dogs,matter and then one of them might win it,uh but um uh i'll let you know near the,time it might be better to wait till it,goes out so people see it in context and,want to own it but i think that i think,that might be worth a little bit of,money,um,monsieur dougal,bonjour ricky happy new year,it's christmas and you get to choose a,present do you choose a,bunion brace,yeah,it's not so bad at the moment i've been,ignoring it like i do all medical,conditions,and then they don't go away but you,learn to live with them,so,you get used to the pain,hey,bunion brace,a heater for your,bucket oh yeah,that's a good idea so it's like a it's,not just a it's like a bath,except with like urine,uh a bollocks bra to support your,pendulus testicles no i,wouldn't bother with that i don't i just,put them down,each trouser leg,the longer they get when i'm really old,you'll see two little testicles,by my ankles,well uh i think it's got to be,it's got the heater for the bucket,all i care about is comfort now so yeah,that would be nice nice warm,that's why i have a bath because it's,just comforting isn't it i've just had a,bath that's why i'm squinting and i look,red, it now,uh,uh danielle this chair is getting,squeakier oh i'm getting fat,um,danielle,you talk about the show,you talk about the show a lot,uh oh yeah in the show a lot about,appreciation for us key workers nurses,etc a lot of your work after life derek,um is around that i just wondered if,you've had many experiences of them in,your own life yeah um,most of my family,were and still are,sort of carers,um my sister works with,kids some with uh,learning difficulties,my my sister-in-law works in alzheimer's,home my other sister-in-law was a social,worker,my mum fostered uh i think two or three,of my nieces uh work in um care homes so,yeah when i say my i mean the women in,my family,well they got used to it they have to,deal with idiot men don't they,so they sort of practice,on us,and then they're really good,carers if the if the women in my family,can deal with th

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Ricky Gervais Twitter Live 161

how are you where are you uh where are,you watching from,Dublin,do you want to know the score you're,already telling me Michigan,hello how are you I'm good thanks for,asking having a good Sunday I am having,a good I'm not good,I'm not good,um I did two gigs,this week in a row that wipes me out,I am,well it's it's too obviously the main,thing is uh my age but also through the,pandemic I've started getting up earlier,I went from an average of 9 30 for my,like my whole life,to 7 30 and I can't not get up now at 7,30. so after I do a gig,I've come out I've tried to relax I've,had a few drinks probably later than,usual I don't drink anymore but I drink,it later if you know what I mean and I,woke up with something and I'm just,I'm exhausted I've got to do a gig that,night,and because I played the Wickham Swan I,stayed uh at our place nearby,and I played tennis both days so two,gigs two games of tennis I couldn't walk,yesterday,but I refuse I refuse not to do it just,because it hurts I've got to I want to,do it,I want to do it forever until I'm,playing tennis in pain,um,which probably isn't the right thing to,do what was the point,what's the point in just like not just,not being in pain but not playing tennis,I'll take the,that's like life in it it's like a like,a metaphor for life that you've got to,take the pain,for the pleasure,um,so yeah thanks for asking someone said,that was your Sunday right questions too,many thank you but too many,um we won't get to them all but uh,been warm in it got a little got a,little hoodie on which might be a,mistake,I didn't want to show off,my massive arms,because I'm working out um in case the,government,think that I'm sort of,like some sort of illegal experiment,they go look at those arms they're not,natural,he's been taking gorilla genes,um look it's on its last legs again it's,gone again,it's been mended twice I don't I don't,know if it can go through it again oh my,arms out I did a workout today,um,Keena who's your favorite philosopher,and why oh my God,well,there's so many amazing ones,I studied philosophy I got a degree in,philosophy amazingly,and,it's not that I've forgotten it all I,think I've remembered it all if you know,what I mean I remember all the,principles and,but I can't remember who said what,so it's just uh I know,I know a blob of philosophy,but I don't know it doesn't matter does,it really it doesn't matter who said,what,um but I think my favorite,was,probably Bertram Russell because,he sort of crossed over to Modern Times,And applied his philosophy,the things that meant something to me,not just principles of ethics and things,like that but,specific,things in our society,if that makes sense Trend brand comedy,facing my brain surgery I was told to go,to my happy place just before I was put,under,what is your happy place,if you're asked mine is at home with a,family yeah that's the first thing that,Springs to mind,sort of,from six o'clock onwards,when I'm not doing this,sitting on the couch glass of wine,eight,Netflix series whatever we're watching,at the time,um the great thing about,not just Netflix but all sort of,on-demand stuff is,you can try out a new thing or an old,thing and if it's not good you stop it,you don't waste your time,and then you know within a few goes you,find an amazing amazing series for a,couple of weeks,uh so that's that's definitely,and tennis,whatever day I've had whatever stress or,work or what if I'm playing tennis I,forget it all for an hour it's get that,ball back over the net,um,so yeah,the cat's sitting on me again she's just,she's just started doing that pickle,um,so yeah that's a that's that's that's,good now sitting,sitting laying down watching Netflix,I've got a good recommendation actually,another great series,um remind me,you can't remind me dirt pass,it's a German we've got the last one,tonight of series two and I know I'm,gonna be bereft,it's so good,it's so good,oh,German serial killer cop,licated,sort of morality tile,acting directing,the style is amazing,beautiful,there you go uh,Astro pictures what is the most,difficult aspect of writing a series,that had to deal with such a heavy topic,like afterlife well that it was that it,was how can I make this funny because it,was a comedy,but the subject matter and the pacing,was obviously dramatic,uh so that was the challenge I remember,writing it can people laugh,when they know this man has lost,everything and his wife died of cancer,and he's suicidal,and the answer is yes if you if you do,it right but,dealing with that dealing with what,happened to him as well,was tricky there was lots of ways to go,and um,uh I I did feel a bit of a,responsibility,to um,not let him end it,uh so yeah,I won't give the spoilers in case you,are I'm sure you've watched it,but um,uh yeah uh I won't say anything,uh Ghana and Andy,although this is from Andy because it's,a photo of Andy and Andy says I'm going,to have a nap can you tell me a story to,help me fall asleep,foreign,did I mention I've go

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Ricky Gervais Twitter Live 162

I take these off,because I look like a ,um,well done for everyone who voted thank,you so much uh the NTA National TV award,at Wembley on Thursday you've been,voting for,a month or so,um,uh trading around the world that's like,a British Emmy,I guess it's all the best in the TV,um and uh all thanks to you,the uh afterlife one what a lovely way,to go out,um,on a high so yeah I've got a cold by the,way,I mean,if there is still such a thing as a cold,and it's not some weird virus where,someone somewhere,tried to mix,can check in with bat,um,I think a lot of cold,right lots of questions,too many,um,but let's get through this how are you,where are you uh where are you watching,from,um,someone said it's cold it is yeah it's,getting colder and it is,Autumn Now isn't it,hello from Cardiff,um,right,Leslie congratulations Ricky afterlife,Shone through yet again and well,deserved my question is about the future,of your bunions right so,I think I've mentioned in my speech and,then,at the Press thing afterwards that my,feet were killing me,I don't know there is a bunion you've,heard all this before anyway what's,Leslie's question,they are now famous after your nta's,award speech will you get them removed,as Jane named them I don't know they are,bunions I don't know what a bunion is,so for the last like year of two I can't,remember,my big toe hurts,it sort of hurt after tennis it hurts,most and I've got these little spongy,things to because I thought it was just,like a saw,a bit under your big toe,but the actual problem seems to be in,the joint of the toe where I can't bend,it up like the other one the other one,sort of does that and this one goes to,about there I can bend it down and then,I had another explanation it might be,something else I can't remember what it,was I wasn't this I haven't had it seem,to,um I never will I never will if things,don't get better if things aren't Agony,or life-threatening,I just live with them you know I mean,I'm gonna die with a bad toe,but and unless it means like they go oh,look we're gonna have to if we don't,amputate,it'll kill you then,not a problem,um but it is a problem it hurts a little,bit but not much,anyway I think one explanation is that,you know like when you get a tap,and like you haven't put salt in the,water and it sort of gets grit in it and,it sort of grinds a little bit and you,can't move it it's like that with my toe,there's some sort of crystallized build,up oh probably urea probably,probably gout or something I'm not a,doctor and I won't see one but if you,are a doctor and any of this makes sense,just tell me what you think it is via,VIA Twitter,um so uh yeah now I won't do anything uh,Daniel did you honestly really not think,you were going to win at the ntas on,Thursday,um I didn't again I didn't last time we,went either,uh I,it seems like I shouldn't be still,winning Awards that's that's the truth,of it and there's all these new programs,and,and that outfit also that thing doesn't,feel like quite my,demographic it's very sort of young,adult,and mainstream and,and mine's a weird,sort of show,a comedy about a man who wants to commit,suicide because his wife dies a cancer,that's so I am I am surprised I'm,surprised that I'm still getting winning,a war that's what they think about and,then when you get anything oh,you know it was a big broad occasion,and uh you just don't think,you just don't think you're um,gonna win you hope you are it's better,to getting dressed up you hope you're,gonna win,um so uh yeah at the Emmys I don't think,I'm gonna win and I'm right usually,I think 25,is some sort of record I think someone,told me 25 nominations for something,like six different shows and that's,weird isn't it that's weird to keep you,in nominated and particularly to keep,losing,I want a couple but which is good,so to answer your question,yeah I was yeah I was,quite prepared to not win,um but it was lovely and it's all thanks,to you guys and then I remembered you,lot,you lot just,voting over and over again probably with,different email addresses also I suppose,we have a slight Edge that you know,there's not many shows that are shown,all over the world and I think you could,vote in fact I know you could I think,people,overseas were voting so,yeah,um,uh thank you so much uh,Sharon Collings I'm sat here watching,Muppets Most Wanted oh it was on BBC One,today which is your favorite mapper and,why Constantine the new kid on the Block,the evil Russian frog,um fell in love with him straight away,I swear I suppose because I've met him I,work with him,though,until that it was probably Robin because,of Muppet Christmas Carol uh but now,yeah it's Constantine I just I wish it,was just around,so I mean I'd love to get up,and have in there going,where you been,I've been waiting for you,I'd love I'd love to have a pet,Russian frog,That'll be amazing wouldn't it just a,frog that could talk,I mean it's probably a relevant way,it comes wrong,um,Chloe after all the awards you've,received is it

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Ricky Gervais' Hilarious Tweets

- SO WE WERE TALKING ABOUT WHAT AN ANIMAL LOVER YOU ARE,,AND YOU WERE JUST RECENTLY HONORED BY PETA,AS "PERSON OF THE YEAR," RIGHT?,- YEAH, YEAH, THAT WAS VERY NICE.,- CONGRATULATIONS. - OH, THANK YOU.,- AND YOU-- I KNOW YOU HAVE A CAT.,- I HAVE A LOVELY CAT CALLED OLLIE, YES, YEAH.,- OLLIE, AND THAT'S ALL?,- YEAH, I COVER OTHER PEOPLE'S DOGS,,'CAUSE I TRAVEL SO MUCH, I CAN'T REALLY HAVE A DOG.,BUT--I KNOW, I KNOW.,- THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL KITTY.,- THAT'S THE ONLY REASON I'M JEALOUS OF PEOPLE,,THAT THEY'VE GOT A DOG, AND I JUST--,YEAH, I WANT A DOG.,- AND WHAT'S YOUR KITTY DO WHEN YOU TRAVEL?,- SHE HAS BUTLERS AND THINGS.,SHE'S SPOILED. LOOK AT HER.,SHE KNOWS SHE'S LOVELY.,- AND YOU'VE BEEN TAKING PICTURES,AND WRITING HILARIOUS CAPTIONS.,CAN WE SEE...,- AWW, LOOK AT HER. - THAT'S OLLIE.,SHE IS REALLY-- HOW OLD IS SHE?,- SHE'S GORGEOUS. SHE'S TEN YEARS OLD.,AND SHE LOOKS GORGEOUS,,BUT THEN SHE'LL HAVE YOUR FACE OFF.,JUST FOR FUN.,I MEAN, SHE--YOU CAN STROKE HER,,AND THEN SHE GOES, "THAT'S ENOUGH," LIKE THAT.,- OH. - YEAH.,- SHE'S ONE OF THOSE CATS. - YEAH, SHE'S ONE OF THOSE.,YEAH, BUT I LIKE THEM FEISTY.,- OH, YEAH? - I LIKE THEM FEISTY, YEAH.,- ALL RIGHT, 'CAUSE SOME PEOPLE DON'T LIKE CATS,BECAUSE THEY'RE THAT KIND OF CAT.,- OH, I LOVE--NO, I DON'T DISLIKE ANY ANIMAL.,ALL ANIMALS TO ME ARE UNCONDITIONALLY BEAUTIFUL.,I JUST--I LOVE THEM. - I FEEL THE SAME WAY.,- IT'S A PRIVILEGE.,IF THAT'S ON MY LAP, RIGHT, AND I NEED A WEE,,NO, I'M NOT ALLOWED TO MOVE IT.,I CAN'T DO IT.,I JUST DON'T WANT TO DISTURB IT.,YEAH, I'M ODD.,- NO, NO, NO, I GET IT.,WHEN I'M SLEEPING, AND THERE'S A--,CHARLIE, MY CAT, SLEEPS NEXT TO MY HEAD,,AND NO MATTER HOW UNCOMFORTABLE I AM,,IF SHE HAS HER HEAD ON MY SHOULDER,,I THINK IT'S ADORABLE, SO I JUST LAY--,- NOT ALLOWED TO MOVE, I AGREE.,I AGREE. I AGREE.,- AND THEN THE DOG'S BEHIND.,I'M LIKE A CARDBOARD CUTOUT, LIKE, SLEEPING LIKE THAT.,- WHEREAS IF YOU'RE ON, LIKE, THE SUBWAY,,AND A PERSON IS ASLEEP ON YOU, "GET OFF.",- YEAH, YEAH.,- STRAIGHTAWAY, ISN'T IT?,- YEAH. - YEAH, "WHAT THE...",- ODD HOW WE'LL PUSH A STRANGER OFF OF US SLEEPING.,- YEAH.,- ALL RIGHT, SO LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT SOME OF THE ANIMALS,THAT YOU'VE POST AND THE CAPTIONS HERE.,"OOPS.,SORRY, MADAME, MY MISTAKE.",AND THEN HERE'S ONE.,"YOU DON'T TALK MUCH, BUT YOU SURE ARE PRETTY.",THE HEDGEHOG THINKS THE BRUSH IS...,THAT'S FUNNY.,AND HERE'S ONE.,"I HAD A BAD DREAM. CAN I SLEEP IN HERE TONIGHT?",HILARIOUS.,YOU POST THOSE, AND THEN YOU POST SOME HILARIOUS,,HIDEOUS PICTURES OF YOURSELF THAT--,YOU TRY TO LOOK AS UGLY AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN.,- IS IT ODD THAT I'M REALLY PROUD OF THAT?,- I KNOW.,THERE'S ANOTHER ONE TOO THAT I SAW THAT WAS EQUALLY--,YEAH, IN THE BATHTUB, AND--,- THAT LOOKS--THAT LOOKS LIKE I'M GIVING BIRTH TO MYSELF.,- YES.,- IT DOES.,AND HE'S SO HAPPY.,HE'S SO HAPPY.,SEE, IF FOR NO OTHER REASON.,SEE, NOW YOU'VE GAINED SOME FOLLOWERS TODAY.,- YEAH, @RICKYGERVAIS IS GOLD LIKE THAT.,- ALL RIGHT. - ALL THE TIME.,- ALL THE TIME,,THOSE AND HILARIOUS LITTLE PICTURES OF ANIMALS,,AND I LOVE HAVING YOU HERE.,"MUPPETS MOST WANTED" OPENS IN THEATERS ON MARCH 21ST.,EVERYONE IN THE AUDIENCE IS GONNA GO HOME,WITH A COPY OF THE SOUNDTRACK.

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Ricky Gervais Twitter Live 160

so,that's what we're dealing with,all right,uh hello,everybody,i thought i'd do one of these because a,couple of people,have been whining,i haven't done for a while did them,through the pandemic,hundreds i did,um,but uh yeah,i think you've still got it there's some,of the questions,coming in absolute bollocks,uh,which is sort of the remit,really,so well done,uh you haven't lost,you haven't lost your touch,i had so many again hundreds i'm not,going to get to all of them,so i'm going to get to,a good view so let's get cracking shall,we,uh,leopold and loveday,what handy tricks did you learn,to do,while you impoverished why you were,impoverished,and do you still,use,um,that you still use or do today,uh,well,so yeah i had um,i had no money growing up as you know,but,i,didn't need it because i was living at,home and,uh,didn't leave home until i was um 18 went,to college,uh,and then was some piss-poor after that,for a few years as,well uh,what did i learn that i still do today,well i don't waste money,wow depends what you mean by that,i don't i don't,uh do you know i don't do,uh,drugs or fast cars or,wear designer t-shirts that cost a,thousand i don't know that nonsense,um,it's just like it doesn't interest me,it's not like i'm thinking i'm saving,money but then,i do,i do waste money now and again where,you'd think that you know i like,take a helicopter so i don't miss a gig,you know what i mean so it depends what,you mean,um,but no i i,i don't i don't really have,i don't have material things except a,house,um,i i get what i what do i do uh,what tricks i still down socks,i don't dial myself if i i'll tell you,why right if i've got a lovely pair of,socks right i've got a lovely pair of,socks on right there's a little hole,where my stupid toenails done a little,hole like that though,i go oh,i can't wear it,because that annoys me that's probably,some sort of ocd i think i know there's,a hole in that so i can't wait that but,i'm not going to throw it away,because that ruins the pair,see that to me is wasting money just,throwing away your post-op title so i,darn it it takes two minutes,it takes me a while to thread the needle,now,do you see me trying to read,with my eyesight,um,but yeah i don't,i don't waste,money i still know the value,of money if you know what i mean,um,uh,so yeah,i won't,if there's something,going to go off in the fridge i think,well i'll eat that that's mad to throw,that away,if i so,that's eating it,he's a martyr eat eat anything,he's trying to save the planet he's not,a fat greedy pig he's trying to save the,planet,so,that's that's what i say does that,answer your question,um,yeah i don't i don't i don't i don't,wanna i don't waste good things,because someone's still good i still,use it um,would you,joey,would you rather,right,would you rather always have your head,on back to front,always,well that's something you,if you could change it you'd ever have,it on the wrong way around,um would would you rather always have,your head on back to front,or have it on the right way,but see upside down,it's a good question joey for a cat,um,so,it's on backwards,so i've got a walk so basically would i,rather walk backwards everywhere or have,the world upside down,i've got to choose walking backwards,because you get used to that you're just,walking backwards it's not great it's,not ideal,that's not how we evolved,but rather than see the world,upside down they did an experiment,um i think i'm in the 60s where they,gave this guy,sort of goggles that turned everything,upside down,and they like filmed him for a week he,was never going to take him off and you,see him,first,turn his drink upside down,and then you see him he got good at it,he got used to everything so he could,you know he could catch a ball because,he knew that the ball went down and then,up,in his face in his eyes in his head but,actually it was doing that and so he,could,he'd learn to catch it because initially,you know what i mean,and then after a week they took it off,and he had to re-learn it like the first,thing he did was pour his drink upside,down because he was used to it the other,way around so you can't get used to it,but it must be easier to walk backwards,everywhere and see everything normal,than have to convert,everything in your brain,mustn't it why am i,even answering,that,question,like,when is that ever gonna be a thing for,me to worry about,because i'm an evil scientist he's got,me tied down in a cave right,and he's going well,mr gervais do you have a choice,that's my answer head on backwards,walking backwards everywhere that's,difficult though in it because then,you've got a,that is difficult,because your hands,are that way aren't they,even having a wee,you're standing up,is that right,i've got my hat,no that hasn't changed does it so my,head's on backwards so that's all right,yeah but i just can't i can't look down,at what i'm doing,it is tricky,i love the fact that we in was the first,thing that came together because i've,got a we

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Ricky Gervais Twitter Live 159

and it's just a happy song it was one of,those songs that just make you,immediately it just,makes you smile doesn't it,um,maybe unless you're going through,terrible,trauma,i mean,if,if you've just been,hit by a train,and you're crumpled up,you've lost your,feet,and you're screaming you,losing a lot of blood,probably wouldn't do the trick,quickly,listen,morphine,morphine is better than that,but given an average day,right,that song will make you feel a little,bit,happier,as i say extreme,trauma,it won't cut the mustard,um,good,uh,how are you,where were you uh where are you watching,this,from,um,let me know i don't know why just like i,just like the idea that people are,watching this,absolute bollocks,all over the world,in some countries they don't even know,what the word bollocks,is,um,i should explain really it's a,a colloquialism a double meaning it,means absolute nonsense that's why,that's why i call this absolute violence,nonsense just,rubbish,as bollocks as rubbish,also slang for,testicles,so,two birds with one stone,bollocks meaning rubbish,and bollocks meaning testicles,so i've done this for a while,was it,we're down to sort of once a month now,if you're lucky,vancouver philadelphia australia,slough,ontario,indiana i can't keep up italy,california wales new zealand,epping,los angeles,new jersey new york,portugal just some of the places,in the world,um i know what you're thinking rick,you've had a haircut yeah,i have,uh,right first start off thank you to uh,mel toffee and fudge and the bollocks,gang,i did tweet that but they sent me a,little afterlife bench,and,a lovely card and they even sent me,auntie,to sit on the bench,with me,and look at this bit of a lovely bit of,detail,oh,never mind barbie,look at that,that's what they all be wanting this,christmas,brilliant,um right questions,casper and yuri what is your best memory,of summer as a child,and how did you keep cool,uh,swimming sitting in like paddling pools,when i was really little,or,swimming a hose sitting under a hose,uh sitting in the garden i mean not when,i was at school,obviously you couldn't do those sort of,things um i didn't really care i think,when your kid just run round until you,collapse don't you,um i still do that i still sort of,i forget to drink water,an idiot,um,i remember when we were allowed to go on,the grass when i was little in school,when suddenly it was hot enough to go on,the grass,i really remember that that was great,um,summer uh as i got older i like that i,like the smell of,i love nature but where i grew up the,smell of tarmac was good because it,meant it was hot do you know what i mean,like if it if you were you could you,could smell the heat,in a,in this counselor's state you could,smell,the heat,i remember used to play tennis,and,i could smell the green my mom just gave,me green flash,done like green flash and then i made a,rubber and sometimes it was so hot that,i could smell the rubber,where it was warming up for all these,shoes so i like i like,i didn't like trying to get to sleep at,night that wasn't that was never good,um obviously no air conditioning no i,mean growing up not even,we didn't have centrally in,or air conditioning so you're at the,mercy,just at the mercy of the weather really,um but i don't remember it being a big,problem now it would be you know i'm,furious,if if something's one degree out i'm,furious,i had nothing growing up and now,and now it's like i,it's like i was born into royalty,with what i demand,um,that's the thing you come from nothing,and you start,kind of want it like this no i've had it,hard,i don't have money for 40 years i want,this room at 18 degrees at all times,um,bonfires i remember um doing a bonfire,on a sunday,i liked sundays because when i was,little the whole family came over,because my oldest brother sisters i,moved out by the time i was like,i don't know eight or nine so they come,over sunday was great,i remember getting up sunday,and uh,the bath,was like full of water,and my mum had made jellies,and cakes to keep them cool for everyone,coming over having trifle,uh,so,yeah i think i think sundays were,my favorite day,in the summer when i was little,uh family,trifles,i mean she made enough to last the whole,week so it wasn't like it was special on,a sunday because because there was,when you make 13 cakes and trifles it,tends to last,a week,but she had nowhere to,put them,um,so uh yeah and then a then a bonfire i'm,upon fire about sort of six or seven,o'clock when they all left,uh yeah,uh pax the cat in super nature you talk,about the platypus producing milk and,eggs what two seemingly contradictory,traits from other animals would you like,to pick for yourself and why,oh,well i was obviously my superpower as,well would be flight,i'm,i can't believe i just watch,seagulls and hawks i'm just i think oh,amazing just to fly around particularly,in traffic when i want to go oh ,i wish i could fly,watch it,just take off,i think we've talked about this but it's,got to be proper

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Ricky Gervais Enjoys Freaking Out Twitter Trolls

-Congratulations, first of all, on the,,I will say on the stand-up special, in general.,I think it was the fastest-selling,or highest-grossing special in the U.K.,,and then it was one of the biggest purchases,on Netflix, ever. -Yeah.,-Honestly, I've had a great time.,I loved the tour. It was my favorite tour ever.,-It's your favorite tour? -Yeah.,-Why? -So many reasons.,I think -- I hadn't done one for seven years.,And that wasn't on purpose. It's just getting pushed back.,You know, I did, like, "Derek," a couple of movies,,and it just -- 'Cause I always considered,stand-up to be the second or third thing I did,,whereas this has changed my mind.,Now it's my favorite thing I do.,Now I could lose everything else and just do stand-up,for the rest of my -- Well, I won't be standing up,for long, but sit-down. Just me in --,Even if I have to be wheeled out in a bucket,,I'll just be saying -- No, actually,,I remembered the privilege of it and, you know --,Even if I get final edit on a movie or a TV show,,there's still 60 people involved.,With stand-up, it's just me. I can say what I want.,-Yeah. -It's amazing.,And, also, I think the audience have known me,for long enough now, they get me.,I don't have to explain it so much.,I can go further, and I can hit the ground running,,and they get what I'm doing.,-Doesn't it make harder because they do know who you are?,-No. Well, only when you sort of warm up, maybe.,Like, I do a warm-up show,,and people on YouTube will get in the press.,So I book theaters, and I sort of do,a little theater show just for me,to just rehearse.,And I approached it differently, as well.,My first four shows, I sort of wrote them.,You know, I planned them and went out --,-Set up punch lines. -Exactly.,And this one, I just wandered out,and just did it really organically.,And that's the great thing about stand-up --,the audience chooses your best bits for you.,And I felt freer, as well.,Like, I felt I didn't --,I think I've got old-people's rights now.,I mean, I can say what I want, 'cause I'm gonna die soon.,How can anyone hurt me? They go, "I'm offended.",I go, "I'm gonna die soon.",-That's true. -Yeah.,-But every time you come on, you always tell a great story.,About your uncle getting the toupee.,Do you remember that one? -Oh, yeah.,That's a true story. That's in there.,-I know, I saw it in the special, as well.,-Yeah, my Uncle -- my Uncle Reginald.,I won't give it away, but my Uncle Reginald,,he went bald in his 20s.,And he was bald for 10 years, so they called him Bald Reg.,So he was bald to his 30s, right?,Turned up at our house one day, ding dong, Elvis.,Just... And I said to my Aunt Edna,,"What happened to Uncle Reg?" She went, "It was a miracle.", So, yeah.,I loved -- It's much more personal.,I talk about my family for the first time.,-I love that, too -- "Don't show me photos of your kid.",-Oh, God, yeah.,-"Don't show me photos of your kid.",-That's a true -- Even though I don't have kids,,people still show me photographs of theirs.,And it's very sweet, right?,-I haven't done it to you, have I?,-No, you haven't, but I don't mind it, really.,But you could be really busy, and someone would go,,"Oh, I was just out, taking my youngest.,She's 7." I go, "Oh, yeah, yeah.",Even strangers go, "I've got a picture of her.",I want to say, "Do you know what?,Show me if she goes missing," right?, It's like -- No -- I --, -What?,-I just -- I don't need --,Why do I need to see it?,I know what a kid looks like. -Yes.,-"Oh, yeah, 7 years old, it's a kid.,I know what it looks like.",Unless they say, "No, no, this one.",If she's just a head with tentacles, I'll have a look.,Do you know what I mean? -Yeah.,-Wow, that's amazing. Thanks for showing me that.",Yeah. But if it's just a kid, yeah, I know.,-Yeah, I know. -They all look alike.,-But you also talk about the length of time,you look at the photos. -Yeah.,You got to go through the whole polite rigmarole.,You've got to go, "Oh. Oh, she's beautiful.",It's got to be that long.,'Cause too short, and it's like, "Yeah," they know.,Do you know what I mean? ,And too long, it's like, "Oh.",-No, it's not like that, no.,-Too long, see? -Too long, yeah.,-I need to go, "Oh, she's beautiful.",-No, I don't think it's that. -It's just...,It's too much. That's what I'm saying.,You've got to do it just right.,It's a minefield. ,-Looking at a photo is a minefield, yeah.,Also, a runner through the thing is you saying,,"I should've just left it." -Well, that's about me --,Yeah, I talk about arguments on Twitter.,The worst people -- Twitter is amazing.,-Why do you get in arguments on Twitter?,-Well, because it's fun. It's like research for me.,I love it, you know?,I actually go looking for trolls,,because I don't really get them.,The good thing about Twitter is, it's like looking,at every toilet wall in the world at once.,So you can really find proper crazies.,-Yeah, yeah. -And I wind them up.,Everything from just -- It's just mad fundamentalists,to just people who live in a

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