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jimmy kimmel twitter

Elon’s Terrible Plan for Twitter, Herschel Turns Abortion Scandal into Money Maker & Goodbye TikTok?

Jimmy Kimmel Live

Updated on Jan 31,2023

Elon’s Terrible Plan for Twitter, Herschel Turns Abortion Scandal into Money Maker & Goodbye TikTok?

thanks for watching,and I'm glad you're in a good mood,because,today was um I was kind of a scary day,here in Los Angeles that thing happened,again what do you call it uh the rain or,rain uh today hasn't rained here since,Easter of 1993 and woke up it sprinkled,for like an hour this morning everybody,who works here showed up dressed like,the crew of an Alaskan fishing boat it,was,you know in London they get a lot of,rain in London and they had some wind,there too the wind blew a giant holiday,ornament down the street this is blew,the tinsel right off it it was part of a,display and uh just rolled into the,oncoming traffic and then his friend,showed up you know,balls travel in twos and this guy,I think that's God sending a message,that it's too early to put up Christmas,decorations you know it's unbelievable,it really is,a lot of stores,and people have their decorations up,already we're two days into November my,neighbor last night was either setting,up a nativity scene or having a baby in,her front yard I don't know either way,not appropriate the neighbors who put,their Christmas decorations up I'm,convinced these are the same people who,show up to the airport five hours before,the flight,I have to say I think,the fault you know Halloween is,just uh skeletons and Candy it's got a,color scheme Christmas has a Christmas,has the tree mascot reindeer fictional,headquarters Thanksgiving has turkey and,corn and not even corn you eat dried,corn your mom hangs on the door,Thanksgiving needs to get its act,together because we're forgetting about,it this is 2022. there's just no place,for yams anymore I'm sorry you know,tonight in Philadelphia it's game four,of the World Series the Astros are,playing the Phillies Monday's game three,was postponed due to the rain it's an,epidemic it's everywhere now so they,played last night and the Phillies,clobbered the yesterday they beat him,seven and none it was a tough loss and,no one took that loss harder than a,colorful local Texas Furniture salesman,known as Mattress Mack he's one of these,guys on TV selling mattresses Mac bet 10,million dollars on the Astros to win the,series and when the Phillies went up two,nothing in the first last night he was,none too pleased,laughs,in Philly that's how you say hello but,still I don't know it's,kind of crazy I don't care,how old you are how much money you have,10 million is a lot of dollars even if,the Astros don't pull this out they say,Mattress Mack is going to be sleeping in,his store,we are in the this is an interesting,time in this country American workers,are said to be slacking on the job more,than ever before worker productivity is,at its lowest point since 1947.,I wonder if this has anything to do with,how many of us are still working from,home with unlimited access to porn in,the midday it's even this chart that,illustrates the decline in productivity,looks half-assed it's like somebody drew,a line and said ah all right good enough,we have no attention span anymore we're,easily distracting you know you get on a,zoom all it takes is Gary from sales,wearing a weird sweater and it's all,anybody can focus on and another reason,Americans are unproductive is this,Twitter ironically employees at Twitter,right now have been working 12-hour,shifts seven days a week to meet,deadlines established by their terrible,new owner Elon Musk Elon Musk you know,he tried to get out of this deal he,offered way too much for Twitter and now,I guess you try to get back as much of,that 44 billion dollar investment as he,can because they're working on something,called paywall video this is uh this,would allow users to post videos and,then charge other users to watch the,videos which is really a good idea you,know I was browsing through Instagram,the other night I said this is great but,I wish it wasn't so free you know many,believe this will turn Twitter into only,fans inevitably leading to,pornography and adult content and uh an,eight thousand dollar bill for Ted Cruz,if you know what I mean but,I feel like Elon Musk,is the tech equivalent of when Michael,Jordan tried to play baseball seems like,maybe we're meanwhile one of the,commissions at the FCC is calling on the,federal government to ban Tick Tock in,the United States out of concern that,China you know the Chinese owned the app,that they could be getting their hands,on our private information which I I get,it but if Americans really cared about,our private information password,wouldn't be the fifth most common,password,between Tick Tock Twitter and Facebook,that seems like the safest app nowadays,might be tender I mean,maybe you get herpes worst case scenario,right we're a week uh less than a week,away from the midterm elections now,there's a lot at stake anything can,happen and as a reminder of that today,is the 74th anniversary of one of the,greatest election upsets ever in 1948,Harry Truman beat Thomas Dewey no one,expected Truman to get reelected,particularly not the Chicago Tribune,which led

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MAGA Nuts Salivate Over Classified Biden Docs, Trump Indictment Looming & Prince Harry Reveals All

MAGA Nuts Salivate Over Classified Biden Docs, Trump Indictment Looming & Prince Harry Reveals All

thank you for watching thank you for,joining us and standing on the radar it,was another dark and stormy day here in,Southern California uh this has been,going on for more than a week now which,is a problem none of us have more than,one rain outfit we've got one we wear it,and then that's supposed to be it but,women in La have been forced to carry,their purse dogs around in Ziploc bags,this week,it's pouring all night I don't know if,it's ever rained this hard here before,right no my whole house is leaking my,children are frightened I'll be honest,I'm frightened I looked out the window,this morning I told my wife I think,we're gonna die today,hey congratulations to uh the Georgia,Bulldogs who,love Texas Christian University last,night to win the college football,championship for the second year in a,row the game was here in LA but this was,the scene in Athens Georgia where fans,and presumably students said a uh we're,literally fired up they set a Christmas,tree,a flame and then we're jumping over it,doing all the dumb things that college,kids do and then this guy his parents,must be very proud he uh is he's going,right on Santa's naughty list for this,because that seems unsafe but it turned,out okay no fatalities the final score,was 65-7 so maybe there was one fatality,but and not only,not only does that make Georgia national,champions they also score a win for the,unintentional joke of the day today,with where you guys are standing,Bulldogs are about to come right in your,face,well,stand somewhere else then,this is um,now this is crazy so after all the,everything about Donald Trump and the 15,boxes with documents he has scattered,around Mar-A-Lago last night CBS News,reported that Joe Biden left a handful,of classified documents from when he was,vice president in his private office at,the University of Pennsylvania the,documents were discovered by his lawyers,they were packing up files they found,these documents they contacted the,National Archives they reported what,they found there are said to be just,under a dozen documents related to,Ukraine Iran and the UK and for the Maga,crowd this was like Christmas and the,McRib coming back at the same time Fox,News Alert Joe Biden the president of,the United States has allegedly,mishandled classified documents 10,classified documents from Joe Biden's,vice presidential days have been,discovered in his office he had zero,authority to declassify those documents,or take them with him Joe Biden,conceivably stole those documents the,vice president actually has rules to,file follow as for declassification,that's not true for a president but,anyone less than a president has to,follow rules that's a serious that's a,serious issue what a double standard,here where's the FBI they should be,battering rams knocking down his door I,mean when they're right in his home so,far no hysteria at all whatsoever is the,justice department going to send in the,FBI the FBI's hostage rescue team is is,he wearing a retainer or what's going on,with his team,anyway it was he was very proud of,himself,they all were and of course daddy Donnie,made a uh moved in on this like a,too he posted when is the FBI going to,raid the many homes of Joe Biden it's,like his dream come true and while it's,alarming when you realize how much of,our national security relies on Old Men,keeping track of loose pages,I really think we need to break this,down and be specific about what happened,in each case you know the day the Biden,documents were discovered uh the White,House council's Office notified the,National Archives they took possession,of them the following morning which is,slightly different from how it went down,with Trump who lied about even having,the documents then refused to give them,up he said they were his which forced,the FBI to come search his wedding venue,slash house and take them from them but,still the Republicans aren't entirely,wrong about this we can't have two sets,of rules we can't hold Trump accountable,for leaving documents around and not,Biden and I have to say I think what we,need to do we need to do right now we,need to get those two Joe Biden Donald,Trump put him in a Cell together,have video cameras surveilling live on,television 24 hours a day we get Ryan,Seacrest to host it and then we watch as,they either tear each other apart or get,along and then maybe we will stop,tearing each other apart and get along,too this could be used to be the thing,it's the only reasonable solution right,Guillermo right Jimmy thank you for even,paying attention,there needs to be a better system than,having these files in a box you know how,they say everything you ever need to,know you learned in kindergarten well in,this case you learned it in the fourth,grade,uh in my old office in a shoe box by the,golf course in a birthday card from mama,uh in my butt uh up his butt where are,your classified documents keep all your,documents organized and safe turn them,into kitty litter happy birthday Betsy,Ross

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Celebrities Read Texts from Their Moms #4

Celebrities Read Texts from Their Moms #4

my mom only texts me when it's bad,your show was filthy last night playing,poop games with laura linney is not,entertaining,get a hold of yourself,get a hold of yourself mom,saw you on drew barrymore show adorable,getting ready for your dad's colonoscopy,tomorrow,happy mother's day mom,i'm so sorry hi sandy,i was rearranging the valentine flowers,today thinking you always send me so,many flowers the florist must shove so,many different flowers in a limited,sized boz,i am happy receiving just few flowers,with your love sandy,next time when you want to send me,flowers please half size,okay my mom and i are both really big,game of thrones fans but she lives on,the east coast so we can never watch,together but she did send me this text,just about an hour before i watched the,season six finale,i can't believe they killed jon snow,update on roomba i used roomba today in,my living room although she escaped a,few times into the hallway in the,kitchen it was fun i moved furniture,around to accommodate her i'm tempted to,name her after my granddaughter since,she has a will of her own but i don't,think that would go over too well any,suggestions for her name and yes it may,be misogynist to give her a female,gender but i know with that gender,she'll get the job,i am done mad at you period,i have been driving around all afternoon,thinking about you dead in a ditch,somewhere,i can't believe you didn't tell me you,are dead how dare you your father is mad,too,call me after your manicure,happy mother's day mom i'm really sorry,about the time i didn't tell you i died,on house of cards,my parents traveled to the middle east a,number of years ago uh just to do some,historical sightseeing and out of the,blue i got a text,from my mom who i guess they had just,arrived,all caps exclamation point,damascus,would you care if i go to the spa,where they get all the hair and dry skin,off my face and maybe a massage never,done this stuff except massage,i need to do some work on my butt,now not her actual,butt like her butt as her whole body,it's a southern thing trust me,hey do you know anyone who can get me a,ticket to the pitbull concert on sunday,in chula vista,maybe call tony robbins,yeah let me call tony robbins and try to,score you some pitbull tickets,okay so i got the day off one day and my,mom texted me this and she almost never,texts me in english this is what it said,it said,you may come visit your sister,thanks for the permission mother,and i don't have a sister she's,referring to the puck which is a girl,you guys can go follow her at toffee,star park hey toffee love you,i want to preface this by saying i have,no idea what this means,i'm not sure it's worth watching i came,across historical background about a man,who wrote bambi the lecture what is my,grade and i skipped around so i don't,think it's worthwhile for you to listen,to,however you may just want to look it up,the lecture was not very good,happy mother's day mom,and please,stay off the drugs,my mom has never been talking to me,i just realized that in this moment,that's a real bummer,i really really loved her so much you,guys had a good ride we had a great run

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Elon Musk EXPOSES Hollywood Twitter! Jimmy Fallon and Jimmy Kimmel are BLEEDING followers!

Elon Musk EXPOSES Hollywood Twitter! Jimmy Fallon and Jimmy Kimmel are BLEEDING followers!

foreign,musk wanted to do with Twitter when he,took it over was get rid of the Bots,one of the reasons that he was trying to,get out of the Twitter sale was because,of the Bots,a lot of the accounts on Twitter,are Bots,and they're actually pretty,sophisticated you might have gotten in a,conversation with one on Twitter and not,even have known it,they're actually pretty legitimate,looking most of the time there's a lot,of them too a ton of them it is a,serious problem and it's one that he's,been trying to get rid of since he came,in,he's trying to get rid of the bot Farms,and I don't blame them they,make the site a miserable Place,sometimes because only one side really,utilizes them,and I'm going to show you that what he's,doing is working I was actually kind of,surprised by this,somebody said I should check out Jimmy,Fallon and Jimmy Kimmel's twitters,so I did,and wait till you see this I'm going to,show you Jimmy Fallon first,okay it says a plus right I'm not so,sure about that,because over the last 30 days he's lost,44,000,followers,do you think those were real people,they're not,look at this ladies and gentlemen he's,losing thousands of followers a day,now,there might be some,real people mixed in there too he's,actually been losing followers for a,long time,like like Tuesday looking seven and then,the next day lost 680.,and,there's reasons that I think real people,are mixed in there too the guy keeps,putting out really cringe quotations a,comedy,like this where he's singing this song,about a coveted variant,and it's awful and cringy,xbb Point 1.5 it's not funny at alts,just as bad as that Stephen Colbert skit,that I'm sure you've seen where he's,dancing with men dressed as needles,and talking about getting the the Jab,it's not just Jimmy Fallon though that's,losing a lot of followers Jimmy Kimmel,is too,15,000 lost this month alone,like look at this,he's also losing a lot,a lot of these people just no one really,cares about them no one really no one,really cares about them anymore they've,completely destroyed their brands nobody,more so than Jimmy Kimmel he had a a,brand he just pissed out the window like,I'm gonna try and go full,I'm gonna try and go full corporate full,Hollywood here,so he's losing a lot of people too how,does he still have a total grade of an a,when he's losing hundreds of people a,day it's crazy,socialblade just giving that to them,now I think there's some bots in here I,also think some real people are in here,these people have been losing followers,for a long time but I think whatever,musk is doing is working,and it makes sense that they would have,a shitload of bots following them to,kind of inflate their followers see how,he has 11 million Fallon has more Fallon,has like 51 million,quite a bit I I think that this is all,inflated because if you look at their,interaction,right account an account with 51 million,follows,only getting 600 likes,on a tweet,like barely getting a thousand sometimes,here's another one oh this is a reply to,his tweet only getting a thousand,like look at this this is kind of sad,here's one of our happy holidays,December 16th only 441 tweets or likes,on this 60 replies,seems kind of low for an account with 51,million followers doesn't it,and then it's the same thing with Jimmy,Kimmel you go over here he posts,something,special thanks all that donated a,thousand likes,here's another one thousand likes,he's got a little bit better interaction,but here's one right here December 21st,calling grandparents and grandkids to,apply a hundred likes 58 comments,here's another one not even a thousand,here's another one not even a thousand,here's another one not even a thousand,likes here's another one not even a,thousand likes Another one not even a,thousand likes here's another one that,one okay this one squeaked by for 27,over a thousand this one squeaked by two,like he barely even tweets too so you,would think that they'd have a little,bit more interaction but they don't,now he gets a couple in here but that,are over a thousand but for the most,part,uh he's not doing very well,and you gotta Wonder like how many of,those 11 million people,how many of those 11 million people,are real,how many how many celebrity Hollywood,accounts are like this as well,it's pretty embarrassing for them to be,honest,and you know it just really shows you,that nobody really cares about what they,have to say,and I'm not trying to say you know,I have a huge brand or anything but when,you go and you look at like my account,for Twitter,like see what I'm saying like they have,an a still,and there's here's an A plus and look,he's losing thousands Father's Day I,have a B minus,I don't really give a about Twitter,to be honest but I like having the,platform so that I can get my videos out,there,so you know I only have 76 000 followers,right but look at this,you know 82 84 63 41 40 there's people,coming in,right and even when a lot of the bot,things happen I barely lost any I don't,really have Bots f

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Jimmy Kimmel deranged rant about Elon Musk Pronouns Tweet

Jimmy Kimmel deranged rant about Elon Musk Pronouns Tweet

and we're going to talk about this beta,mail Jimmy Kimmel beta yeah he's a beta,man he's not Alpha he's beta beta male,he pees,sitting down on the toilet all right,so much of a beta male in his own house,he's got those butt gaskets we call,those hell is that those white paper you,go in the public bathrooms you put on,the toilet yeah he got butt gasket in,his own house butt gaskets and he sits,down and pees yeah he thinks when he's,when they when he's having missionary,sex with a woman he's on the bottom,this,Jimmy Kimmel is a beta male baby,what's this uh James uh um damn Peter,Jesse Jesse Peterson beta,but anyway so um Elon Musk has been on a,dam,he's been on a damn Quest on Twitter,he's been on a Tarot he's been on a,mission yeah to bring back freedom of,speech in this country and um people,hate him so much just because he,believes in freedom of speech he's not,even specific reason people on the left,why do you hate him all he wants to do,is to be able to make the evil I mean an,equal playing field between left and the,right so we can both debate each other,yeah what else has he done,to make you want to hate that man so,much yeah and he's not actually a,republican he's labeled himself as a,moderate yeah he's just so moderate yeah,but the left has gone so far left he's,like a white supremacist now to y'all,he's like fall right now because y'all,went so far left I mean y'all so far,left y'all actually about to fall off,the damn table,he's just right here in the center he's,been always in sin yeah but anyway so um,Jimmy Kimmel went on a rant yeah most,majority of it was fallacious and,hominin attacks didn't make any sense,he's conflating issues yeah it seems,like it doesn't seem like,uh uh cause he's a comedian it doesn't,seem like he's saying jokes it's just,attacking attacking attacking it's not,funny they're using a laugh track too,well their jokes to his idiot followers,yeah but it's not in the you know in the,you know true sense of the of being a,comedian writing a joke I mean it's a,setup and there's a punch there's no,setup there's no punch everything just,lies just it's just unfounded,unwarranted attacks yeah yeah yeah and,you know the left they're like seals at,his show,oh,like whenever you look at the view and,all these damn liberal shows where they,get best uh conservatives and the right,it's not funny they just laugh at,everything whenever the comedian is,bashing the right it's like not even,funny it's like sad really but I'm gonna,show you the video again man before you,shoot up the video man do it again,hey check out the video,seems to be intent on filling the troll,hole vacated by Donald Trump because,yesterday he wrote my pronouns are,prosecute and fauci which on top of,being,small-minded lowest common denominator,garbage and spreading false and,dangerous conspiracy theories against a,doctor who works for our good is also,just a terrible joke it's like a joke,generated by AI it doesn't make any,sense the structures aren't then rhyme,with anything relevant no there are too,many syllables it's exactly the kind of,joke you'd expect from a guy who named,his son after the bottom row of an eye,chart but for some reason some people,like him this weekend a young guy came,up to me very nice guy he said you got,no love for Elon bro and I was like I,said no I I don't but it's not just Elon,specifically I have a problem with any,richest man in the world who comes to,this country to casually slander a,doctor who devoted his entire life to,protecting our children from HIV and,covet and zika and swine flu and Ebola,disease while you're off playing grab,ass with Trump and firing Rockets into,space to prove your penis works it's,just,even hang around or like even yeah yeah,I mean the things you're saying about,him I can say the very same things about,you you're a multimedia you're a rich,person,sharing your own opinions but you want,to attack him for doing the exact same,thing you're doing yeah so you said his,joke's not funny I mean your jokes are,not funny like okay the pro pronoun,issue in this country I think it's,hilarious I think it's batshit crazy,yeah and for me to come up with that,joke I thought it was funny it was,clever I mean it was peeping your,audience start laughing but there was,they felt uncomfortable they didn't want,to laugh you could hear it yeah but,anyway without the laugh track of course,yeah but I I want I think it was funny,but then you say it was his joke was,based on conspiracy theories he's more I,wouldn't say that because from where he,sits he has privy to way more,information than you do yeah and then,you go on what did he say at the end,um what'd he say it then man said,something about naming his kid the last,bottom row of a Down no not a stupid,joke not that one after that he said,he's he's uh spreading conspiracy,theories about well I know that I just,said he I said that I remember what he,said he tried to undermine all his,accomplishments that um yeah that he's,done he shoot

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Elon Lets Trump & Kanye Back on Twitter, Donny Screams About Turkey & Bob Iger Returns as Disney CEO

Elon Lets Trump & Kanye Back on Twitter, Donny Screams About Turkey & Bob Iger Returns as Disney CEO

foreign,Banks were coming and before we uh go uh,even a moment further,I want to wish a very happy birthday to,our announcer Lou Wilson who's uh,thank you Jimmy,you know we have a big party planned for,Lou in the parking lot after the show,that's right you get plans tonight after,that are you coming to that I am coming,that that is my plans that's where it,ends up very very sad but uh we'll have,fun Lou I don't know if you know this,but you were born exactly one day and,200 years after Joe Biden he is,yesterday was,President Biden's 80th birthday a whole,family got together at the White House,and took away his car keys they um,uh they also had a big party I don't,know it was pretty wild Joe,where he is right there,you can see uh it was more of a rave,than a party he ended the Night by,stripping off his dungarees and doing 80,shots of Metamucil but,it's a double celebration for Joe Biden,he turned to 80. his teeth turned 16.,congratulations to both of them the,First Lady Joe Biden made a coconut cake,that's every 80 year old's favorite cake,Once you turn 80 your cakes are,automatically coconut and your ice cream,is rum raisin it's how it goes,Joe Biden is the oldest sitting,president in the United States history,he's three Zendaya's and a baby now and,you know we like to have fun with his,age some cedar citizens don't like it,they take offense to the constant,insinuation that he's too old to be,running to anything but the bathroom,the satire about him,and the sneering at him is ages he,doesn't appear confused at all to me as,I've read he seems fine well they'd want,to do a 21 year old,you want to get a gen Zia,you make it good what do you want Jojo,siwa,Joe's birthday wasn't the only Biden,bash this week and his granddaughter,Naomi got married there on Saturday uh,it was a beautiful ceremony and I for,one can't wait for republicans in the,house to launch a 12-month investigation,into it how do you a lighthouse wedding,I know you I think you'd have to have,your honeymoon on the actual moon to,beat that and it had to make the Trump,kids yell when Trump is in office he,wouldn't even let Don Jr sleep over he,had this morning on South lawn uh Biden,took part in the traditional pardon of,the turkeys when we got the rare chance,to see the president of the United,States having a full conversation with,birds look at this God love you,and this is chocolate right,chocolate you are pardoned,you are apart he said you had to tell me,that,yeah yeah you are yeah,I'm serious,he said I don't know man you'd have to,pardon me I knew I was pardoned I would,watch a whole Joe Biden talking to,turkey's Channel,this morning it's a wonderful,Thanksgiving tradition here at the White,House there's a lot to say about it but,it's chilly outside so I'm going to keep,this short Ronnie's got 44 years in the,turkey business uh they don't know what,the not sure the verdict yet but we're,going to find out in a minute we got to,get on this first of all the votes are,in but before I gobble up too much time,of course chocolate is my favorite,chocolate is my favorite ice cream,that's my grandson Beau up there and my,granddaughter get your flu shots as well,we have more chickens than anybody in,the nation in Delaware Jill and I are,going to be flying down for a Fred's,giving scripture says let us rejoice,always pray continually oh my thanks in,all circumstances they killed themselves,it's,all right well I can't say that I blame,them,the oldest,the National Turkey Federation which is,a real Federation posted photos of the,Turkish chocolate and chip on their way,to Washington I'm not sure how I thought,turkey travel to the White House but it,definitely wasn't sliding around in the,back of a Toyota Highlander,it's ridiculous it's like the plot of a,movie starring Paulie Shore in the 90s,we got to get these turkeys to the White,House for the pardon another turkey who,can use a pardon is Donald Trump Donald,Trump has even more legal trouble on his,little hands on Friday attorney general,Merrick Garland did what Trump was,really hoping he wouldn't he appointed,his special counsel to take over the,investigations into Trump helping,himself to the classified documents and,crimes he may have committed on and,around January 6th this is the special,counsel they hired his name's Jack Smith,said to be very tough it looks looks,like a guy who had sentenced Chewbacca,to death he does,decision to bring them on board was,obviously Weighing on Trump who,addressed it while hosting a Gala for a,conservative think tank this weekend,this will not be a fair investigation,but again I thought this was all done or,very close to being done these people,are corrupt and yet they go after,innocent people under the guise of,legitimacy over the years I've given,millions and millions of pages of,documents tax returns and everything,else,and they have found nothing which means,I've proven to be one of the most honest,and innocent people ever in our country,you have to admit it yeah

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Octavia Spencer on Crushing on the Same Guy as Allison Janney, Spider-Man Cameo & Crime Obsession

Octavia Spencer on Crushing on the Same Guy as Allison Janney, Spider-Man Cameo & Crime Obsession

our first guest tonight is an Oscar and,Golden Globe winner you can see her,solving crimes with a microphone and a,pair of Beats as podcaster poppy Parnell,in truth be told season three premieres,January 20th on Apple TV plus please,welcome Octavia Spencer,foreign,good to see you very good to be here and,be seen in person hey I want to say,congratulations to you because there's a,big deal here in our neighborhood uh not,so long ago like last month I think you,received a star on the Hollywood Walk of,Fame,which is,uh tickled by that yeah you know there's,nothing that compares to it quite,honestly I mean you know you get Awards,and you they sit in your house I mean,let me tell you they're it's great,um but no one else gets to enjoy that,with you and when you walk down the the,Walk of Fame you know it's it's electric,you're part of the the community yeah,you're like hey look they're vomiting on,my name,I love it I love it I'm gonna be out,there cleaning it who is um who's in,your neighborhood whether it's stars did,you notice it's really crazy because all,the people that are around me are people,that I absolutely am obsessed with oh,Angela Lansbury you know guys I love,Murder She Wrote I've seen every episode,Chaka Khan oh great Dean Martin wow and,uh Holly Robinson peaked I mean we grew,up down on Jump Street,so it was so that's a good spot actually,it's like really close to us here,there's a couple of blocks I think we,have a live shot of your star right now,um there it is,it's um well you know you know I'll tell,you the good news is it's clean,it's definitely clean you had a couple,of friends you know traditionally what,you do is you ask a couple of famous,friends to come and speak on your behalf,your friends were Alice and Jenny and,Will Ferrell and um are these have you,known both of them for a long time I I,Alison Jenny was a part of my uh my my,start kit I mean we I met her within six,months of moving here twice so she's,she's family where did you meet her I,met her through a mutual friend Tate,Taylor he's kind of like the mayor of,everywhere okay um and Tate uh,introduced me to Janie and I've been a,fan of Wills we worked together on,spirit and he was just right I mean he,stuck with me now poor thing he's the,best yeah he's a great guy even Dallas,and I think has a star and a Hollywood,Walk yeah she does yeah so now you guys,really made it after knowing each other,as as young kids it's kind of crazy you,know I I,I I don't take it lightly I mean I joke,but all of us kind of started out you,know together and we we've just been in,each other's lives and were you like,working together at that time or what we,worked on I mean no uh we kind of worked,on all of our friends who were writing,things and Melissa McCarthy I know she's,a very good friend yeah we're all very,good friends I met Melissa and Ben,through through Tate oh wow he's at the,Groundlings did he get invited to the um,he was there he was okay the old I call,them the old gangsters the OG crowd was,there yeah yeah did you and Allison like,hit it off right away no no,um we kind of found out we liked the,same guy oh was it Tate I I I'm never,gonna say who it was oh oh now this is,fun okay,was this Scott Baio TV scratchy it was,definitely Chachi well it was no no was,it Lorenzo Lamas,I mean how could you not like Lorenzo,what year are we talking about we are,talking about uh what was on TV in the,1996. oh oh it's a TV star I didn't say,that what was on TV,was it Harry Hamlin it was it was Prince,Harry oh it was Prince Harry yeah yeah I,love Prince Eric even to this day yeah,well sure I mean yeah you hear about his,todger he's got a frostbite on,very sad story uh,I wish that was a joke it isn't,last time you were here maybe the time,before I don't remember what it was but,in between those times you were telling,me which surprised me that you were like,a big Marvel Comics nerd oh I am you,love Marvel Comics definitely and you,love the movies I love the movie you,love the whole deal and in the meantime,we found out that you were in the first,big Spider-Man movie with Toby McGuire,yeah which girl you were checking girl,we have a clip of check-in girl next,there's no featherweight division here,small fry next my mom sign me up,okay,you understand the nywl is not,responsible for any injury you may and,probably will sustain while,participating in said event and you are,indeed participating on your own free,will yes,down the hall to the ramp may God be,with you,next,I think that was like a Sony movie but,now that they've merged you're probably,part of the Marvel Cinematic Universe oh,and maybe you're here maybe they could,make a standalone check-in girl movie,you know you know maybe not a standalone,check-in girl I'm thinking we start with,Standalone and then maybe you do like we,talk them into like a group yeah you may,be like yeah you could have uh hat lady,and check-in girl no no I don't want to,share with Hadley you don't want to be,hot lady no no I thin

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Twitter Employees Resign Over Musk's Ultimatum, DOJ Names Counsel to Investigate Trump

Twitter Employees Resign Over Musk's Ultimatum, DOJ Names Counsel to Investigate Trump

-Thank you very much. Enjoy yourself.,Welcome, welcome, welcome to "The Tonight Show," everybody.,You're here. You made it. ,Thank you for tuning in at home.,I'm very excited about this.,My guest tonight is the one-and-only Samuel L. Jackson!, -Whoa!,♪♪ -Yes!,I bumped into him backstage, and he was cursing like crazy.,-Really? -Yeah.,Turns out he was just trying to get Taylor Swift tickets.,Yeah, that's all. It was fine. The stars are just like us.,Guys, it's Friday. I'm in a great mood.,Unlike Twitter, we made it to the weekend.,You know, and I -- ,Did you see this?,After more than 1,000 key employees resigned,,Twitter closed all of their offices.,And, apparently, due to the mass resignations,,the platform could start breaking soon.,Even crypto was like, "Damn. That came crashing down fast.",Right now, things are so bad, Twitter recommends,writing your tweet on a piece of paper,and just mailing it to all of your followers.,Yeah, a ton of employees quit after Elon asked them,to commit to an extremely hardcore work environment.,Staff was like, "If I'm going to go extremely hardcore,for an app, I don't want Twitter money.,I want OnlyFans money.",♪♪,-Twitter.,-Last night, things got so bad,,the hashtag #RIPTwitter started trending.,I just want to say, I died on Twitter before it was cool., No big deal.,♪♪,Some people say the chaos at Twitter,could lead to a comeback for Tumblr.,That'd be fun to get my political news,at the same place I used to post my Urkel fan fiction.,I think that'd be fun.,Yeah, Twitter's not looking so great right now,,and I think some other companies are trying to take advantage.,Check out this. I saw this today.,-Twitter is an absolute disaster,,a horrible company that's terribly run in every way.,So when thinking of us, remember, there's worse.,-I go, "Oh, now I get it. Yeah.,Now I get it.",Some news from Washington.,Tomorrow, President Biden's granddaughter,is getting married on the South Lawn of The White House.,That's nice. It's interesting.,To RSVP, you had to check "yes" or "Ivanka.",Not gonna show up, no.,Biden's already emotional.,It's the first time an 80-year-old has ever said,,"Get on my lawn.,The South Lawn.",It's different getting married,when your grandfather's president, though.,You get cards that say, "Enjoy the panini maker,,love Kim Jong-un.",Yeah, the Biden family has a lot to celebrate this weekend,,'cause on Sunday, the president turns 80.,Wow.,Just to give you the sense of how old that is, consider this.,He's 80.,Democrats don't want to take any chances,,so there are going to be no surprise parties.,Don't clap too loud. He might be watching.,Hey, this is big.,Today, the Justice Department,named a special counsel to investigate whether,former president Trump should be charged for January 6th,or taking classified documents.,As we speak, Trump is squeezing into a turkey costume,to trick Biden into pardoning him., Gobble, gobble.,Gobble, gobble., Switching gears. Some big sports news.,This weekend, the World Cup begins in Qatar.,Yep. Soccer is huge across the world.,Meanwhile, Americans are like, "Wait.,'Ted Lasso' is based on a real sport?",Listen to this.,On Sunday, Elton John is performing,his final concert in North America,,and the entire show will air on Disney+.,I just hope the Disney product placement,is a little more subtle than the last time they worked with him.,Check it out.,-♪ D-D-D-D-Do what I say ♪,-Speaking of Disney, I saw that they just filed a patent,for a new type of roller coaster,,and it looks pretty crazy.,Watch this.,-Walt Disney just filed a patent,for a roller coaster that jumps the track?,Engineers say it has to move,at precise speed every single time,,which can easily be impacted by the weather, by humidity,,number of riders, and many, many other elements., -Oh!,-The ride is called You First.,Don't worry -- they're going to put some pillows,down the first few times they try it, so it should be alright.,It's the only ride with a sign that says,,"You must be this tall to die.",But this is nice.,Disney takes your picture during the ride,,and a crime-scene photographer takes it after.,"Jumps the tracks.",Meanwhile, Six Flags was like, "Big deal.,We've been doing that for years.",Get this -- the makers of Scrabble have announced,that they now will accept hundreds of new words.,-Oh!,-Check out this commercial they just released.,-America's most beloved board game is better than ever,,with hundreds of new playable words, like...,And to make it even more fun, we now accept misspelled words,,made-up words, and tater tots.,-Interesting, right? -Wow!,Wow! Indeed.,-Also, I read that Tyson Foods recalled 94,000 pounds,of ground beef 'cause it may contain,a hard, mirror-like substance.,They're really bending over backwards to avoid saying,,"Fine, it's glass, okay?",A "mirror-like substance"?,Nothing worse than eating a 1-pound burger,and catching a glimpse of yourself.,"Ugh! That's what I look like?",Guys, it is the holiday season,,and the Rockefeller Cente

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