jimmy kimmel twitter

Elon’s Terrible Plan for Twitter, Herschel Turns Abortion Scandal into Money Maker & Goodbye TikTok?

thanks for watching,and I'm glad you're in a good mood,because,today was um I was kind of a scary day,here in Los Angeles that thing happened,again what do you call it uh the rain or,rain uh today hasn't rained here since,Easter of 1993 and woke up it sprinkled,for like an hour this morning everybody,who works here showed up dressed like,the crew of an Alaskan fishing boat it,was,you know in London they get a lot of,rain in London and they had some wind,there too the wind blew a giant holiday,ornament down the street this is blew,the tinsel right off it it was part of a,display and uh just rolled into the,oncoming traffic and then his friend,showed up you know,balls travel in twos and this guy,I think that's God sending a message,that it's too early to put up Christmas,decorations you know it's unbelievable,it really is,a lot of stores,and people have their decorations up,already we're two days into November my,neighbor last night was either setting,up a nativity scene or having a baby in,her front yard I don't know either way,not appropriate the neighbors who put,their Christmas decorations up I'm,convinced these are the same people who,show up to the airport five hours before,the flight,I have to say I think,the fault you know Halloween is,just uh skeletons and Candy it's got a,color scheme Christmas has a Christmas,has the tree mascot reindeer fictional,headquarters Thanksgiving has turkey and,corn and not even corn you eat dried,corn your mom hangs on the door,Thanksgiving needs to get its act,together because we're forgetting about,it this is 2022. there's just no place,for yams anymore I'm sorry you know,tonight in Philadelphia it's game four,of the World Series the Astros are,playing the Phillies Monday's game three,was postponed due to the rain it's an,epidemic it's everywhere now so they,played last night and the Phillies,clobbered the yesterday they beat him,seven and none it was a tough loss and,no one took that loss harder than a,colorful local Texas Furniture salesman,known as Mattress Mack he's one of these,guys on TV selling mattresses Mac bet 10,million dollars on the Astros to win the,series and when the Phillies went up two,nothing in the first last night he was,none too pleased,laughs,in Philly that's how you say hello but,still I don't know it's,kind of crazy I don't care,how old you are how much money you have,10 million is a lot of dollars even if,the Astros don't pull this out they say,Mattress Mack is going to be sleeping in,his store,we are in the this is an interesting,time in this country American workers,are said to be slacking on the job more,than ever before worker productivity is,at its lowest point since 1947.,I wonder if this has anything to do with,how many of us are still working from,home with unlimited access to porn in,the midday it's even this chart that,illustrates the decline in productivity,looks half-assed it's like somebody drew,a line and said ah all right good enough,we have no attention span anymore we're,easily distracting you know you get on a,zoom all it takes is Gary from sales,wearing a weird sweater and it's all,anybody can focus on and another reason,Americans are unproductive is this,Twitter ironically employees at Twitter,right now have been working 12-hour,shifts seven days a week to meet,deadlines established by their terrible,new owner Elon Musk Elon Musk you know,he tried to get out of this deal he,offered way too much for Twitter and now,I guess you try to get back as much of,that 44 billion dollar investment as he,can because they're working on something,called paywall video this is uh this,would allow users to post videos and,then charge other users to watch the,videos which is really a good idea you,know I was browsing through Instagram,the other night I said this is great but,I wish it wasn't so free you know many,believe this will turn Twitter into only,fans inevitably leading to,pornography and adult content and uh an,eight thousand dollar bill for Ted Cruz,if you know what I mean but,I feel like Elon Musk,is the tech equivalent of when Michael,Jordan tried to play baseball seems like,maybe we're meanwhile one of the,commissions at the FCC is calling on the,federal government to ban Tick Tock in,the United States out of concern that,China you know the Chinese owned the app,that they could be getting their hands,on our private information which I I get,it but if Americans really cared about,our private information password,wouldn't be the fifth most common,password,between Tick Tock Twitter and Facebook,that seems like the safest app nowadays,might be tender I mean,maybe you get herpes worst case scenario,right we're a week uh less than a week,away from the midterm elections now,there's a lot at stake anything can,happen and as a reminder of that today,is the 74th anniversary of one of the,greatest election upsets ever in 1948,Harry Truman beat Thomas Dewey no one,expected Truman to get reelected,particularly not the Chicago Tribune,which led

The above is a brief introduction to jimmy kimmel twitter

Let's move on to the first section of jimmy kimmel twitter