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Fired Twitter Employee Applies For First Real Jobforeign,yeah come on in you know uh you're 20,minut

The Babylon Bee

Updated on Jan 14,2023

Fired Twitter Employee Applies For First Real Job

foreign,yeah come on in you know uh you're 20,minutes late,yeah Twitter we didn't have like start,time schedules are uh,remnant of an oppressive colonialist,regime oppressive colonialist regimes,okay well look the work here is pretty,demanding we need to find someone who,can inspect all of our outgoing Miss are,you okay I'm sorry I'm not really used,to bosses using trigger words like,demanding and inspect and work,but this is a job we don't say that,either then how do you get any work,well I mean so how do you get any uh,laborer stuff production the hand work,Network sorry stuff done how do you get,any stuff done,a strip's got ten some stuff,okay well what would you say,you did there I was responsible for so,much as a Content moderation specialist,some days during my afternoon cornhole,sesh I get a text telling me I had to,ban someone so then you'd have to,actually like walk over to your computer,and ban them uh no I would just hit a,button on my phone and then bam Babylon,b band Libs of tick tock band Steve from,Fruitport Michigan you know he banned,and then back to cornhole uh all right,well what else did you do there drink,like a sailor they had wine on tap,mimosas a full micro Brewery,they also had a a which was,kind of helpful for me,one day at a time,uh well congratulations,uh well so I think I've seen everything,that I need to see did you have any,questions for us tons okay first you,don't actually like,expect me to,come well how do you expect to get any,work done labor done stuff done at the,factory without coming into the factory,oh so this is like a job job,yeah that might be a deal breaker for me,uh also I didn't notice any meditation,rooms when I came in do you guys have,any gurus on site or is it more like a,byog type situation by what also I,didn't see a QR code for your lunch menu,but I assume your shrimp is non-GMO and,cage-free shrimp where'd you get shrimp,we don't have any shrimp hey sorry to,interrupt boss pneumatic drill is on the,fritz again I need to go pick up some,parts I'll be back in five,oh what was on his hand uh it was Grease,how did it get there because he worked,does stuff engages in manual labor okay,that's it I can't do this,I'm sorry Mr Dunson we've decided to go,in a different direction,all right well I'm sorry to hear that,Miss,nope nope,hey boss she gone yep you thinking what,I'm thinking rooftop cornhole sesh I got,the mimosas,are you a paver of fine goods and a,patron of quality entertainment if so be,sure to like subscribe and comment to,support the fine institution known as,The Babylon bear and if you don't,subscribe you must be one of those,unfortunates who can't even afford an,in-house sommelier speaking of which,Reginald bring the 1986

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Twitter Employees Go BERSERK Over Elon Musk
Twitter Employees Decide Who To Ban
Bill Maher TRASHES Twitter Censors -- The Babylon Bee's CEO Reacts
Twitter Suspends The Bee But Does Nothing About These Crazies
Gender Studies Grad Demands Blue-Collar Worker Pay Off Her Loans
BREAKING: The Babylon Bee Suspended From Twitter
Spelling Bee Contestant Asks The Definition of “Woman”

Twitter Employees Go BERSERK Over Elon Musk

all right everyone I called you all in,here because I wanted to know that Elon,Musk to purchase the Twitter went,through and there's gonna be some,changes I'm sorry do you hear that hold,on a minute I'll be right back,what is it could you please stand back,you've entered Sovereign territory wait,what are you talking about well since,Elon Musk is buying Twitter we have no,choice but to protect our rights as,Twitter employees you don't have any,rights uh-uh you're not allowed to say,that you're in my zone what zone we were,inspired by Chaz to create the social,platform autonomous Zone welcome,to spaz,hey lizzo says we can't say that anymore,fine we'll just call it Twitter chats,this is my zone of safety where free,speech is not allowed Elon has no,Authority here,look this is Twitter property I need to,come inside your um,Fort excuse me it identifies as a city,and you're speaking with the mayor so,show some respect I'm coming inside,what's the password,is it lgbtqia plus I told you we should,have made it longer,ah,it's fine it's okay easy chemosabe,Sandy what's going on here,we're hosting a yoga class we're all,very stressed right now all of the,proceeds are going to non-binary,ukrainians they have no voice it's,sad Sandy did you seriously build a fire,in a blanket fort that's how we cook our,meals we're self-sustaining Sandy look,I hired you to do a job you're not going,to do it I'm gonna have to fire you this,is a non-hate Zone and that is violation,if you do not back up will be forced to,talk to you and your family will be,harassed,you know what do whatever you want I,don't have time for this I don't get,paid enough,guys you'll never believe it Elon Musk,brought Donuts full of Doge going to the,break room come on,please cancel,oh,hey everyone Elon my bra Donuts filled,with Dogecoin in the break room come on,I'm sorry I didn't do that again I was,laughing,but greetings YouTube,our readings show that you must like,subscribe ring the bell and comment oh,you shall be destroyed,is this thing on speak to a person,destroy Earth no speak to a person

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Twitter Employees Decide Who To Ban

all right uh new recruits welcome to,twitter thank you sir,very excited i can't wait to get started,yeah uh meet me too hi i'm assigning,both you to our terms of service,department that means you get to go over,problematic tweets see if they violate,our terms of service and if they do you,get to ban them,so our job is to ban people how do we,know,whom to ban i think it'll be easiest to,show you with a few examples take a look,so what do we do with this user bam,or don't ban,ban it clearly calls for violence,actually it's don't ban okay i started,with a hard one you see israel is an,oppressive western regime this tweet,came from a muslim therefore he's an,oppressed minority it's called nuance,you'll get it,sounds like it's a,double standard exactly you'll get the,hang of it okay vladimir putin's,official twitter account bam,don't ban,okay so he's a war criminal murdering,thousands of ukrainians so i'd say bam,don't ban yes good why um,because he's a world leader and twitter,doesn't ban world leaders exactly you,see we support the powerful,over the,powerless but didn't you ban trump yeah,after he was a lame duck and so he,didn't have any power anymore hashtag,not my president,isn't that hypocrisy it's a gray area,what does that even mean it's a thing,you say when someone says isn't that,hypocrisy also we just hate trump okay,how about this one bam,don't bat bam yes she's in a position of,power in the bind administration and,this stupid little website isn't allowed,to make her feel bad,isn't this satire okay i don't even know,what you're saying right now so let's,move on,chinese communist party don't ban oj,simpson the jews don't ban guy in ohio,who wonders if kobe came from a lab bam,taliban spokesperson never ban them,concerned parent with questions about,the vaccine animal nicolas maduro man a,newspaper who published an embarrassing,article about biden right before the,election oh i'm phantom right now,perfect i love this guy,you didn't answer any of these are you,getting this,it seems like you're just banning people,you don't like exactly you see our,policies are very clearly crafted to ban,hate speech speech that we hate that's,not what hate speech means okay i hate,that you said that that's hate speech,see how it works no this is wrong,i know that twitter is a private company,but this is one of the largest speech,platforms out there and you can't just,silence half the country because you,don't like the way they think if they,get themselves banned from twitter they,can just start their own social media,company,easy no didn't they try that with parlor,and the tech companies destroyed it,i know wasn't that great no you can't,just silence certain voices in a,democracy just because you have the,power,dude,okay wow that was hateful you're fired,you report to hr when you get down there,ban her,rachel levine,man of the year just i just got that,oh,i'm sorry i have to ban you,you know if they validate,hey you are you enjoying these videos,then i have a loose suggestion for you,why don't you like it comment and hit,the subscribe button,in fact even if you didn't like this,video i strongly suggest that you do it,it's not a threat i'm not pressuring you,you just have to do it

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Bill Maher TRASHES Twitter Censors -- The Babylon Bee's CEO Reacts

be who you really are yeah the argument,to me is like has twitter failed as the,judge and i would say yes you failed did,you read about this babylon bead you,know what the babylon b is,so there's some clips going around,showing bill maher ripping into twitter,and defending the babylon b,he had a really interesting discussion,had a couple of guests on to talk about,the question,is twitter the new town square of course,that's what musk says musk says it's the,de facto town square,so mar has some guests on to talk about,that first amendment issues free speech,whether we should be able to have jokes,on these platforms,in the course of that discussion he,brings up the babylon bee uh pretends he,doesn't know what it is,but he does bring it up and defend us,it's really interesting there's a few,things i want to go through in that,conversation so i'm going to play some,clips and respond let's talk about,twitter and free speech shall we and,elon musk you know we're all in the,media of some way uh the ceo of twitter,well maybe not any longer,but he was,he said our role is not to be bound by,the first amendment now,let's just start with it is a private,company they can do whatever they want,right let's let's get past that yep,that's a dodge answer yeah what what,musk is saying is but it is de facto the,town square and some sheriff could,should come in and say what good is the,first amendment if we're the place where,people are really talking,they can't talk bill maher nails it here,he gets it he understands what the issue,is,so often when you bring up this topic of,free speech rights on the internet,people will remind you these are,privately owned companies that can do,whatever they want but that misses the,point it totally misses the point the,point is that this is where viewpoints,are exchanged this is where debates are,hosted this is where people can speak,and be heard and for that reason this is,the public square it's what what must,call the de facto town square if you can,be arbitrarily restricted from the town,square because you spread misinformation,or told a joke that the powers that be,don't like then we have a speech problem,on our hands and we need to do something,about it either the law needs to catch,up to the fact that the public square is,now hosted and managed by privately,owned companies and and rights need to,be restored there or,or protected there,or somebody needs to come in and change,things up in this case musk can come in,and restore free speech to the place,where people actually speak and are,heard um as it stands right now if,you're a conservative you can't speak,freely on these platforms you have to go,somewhere where people aren't actually,listening to speak your mind and that is,a big speech problem so,so mar gets it i think he frames it,perfectly here let's see how his guests,respond you think that's a valid,argument,doug knows more about the the legality,of it he's right and i think everybody,needs to get over the fact that the,first amendment does not apply uh to,twitter this is not government,censorship of anything this is not,government censorship of anything,i mean it could be,the government can't outsource,censorship to a privately owned third,party you can't have a privately owned,company do that which would be,unconstitutional for the government to,do itself the supreme court's ruled on,that before so i mean if the government,is is working through these third,parties to to pick out targets to censor,if they're colluding with them on that,if they're threatening them with,penalties if they don't or,misinformation that the government wants,censored,then an argument can be made that these,are state actors they're not just,privately owned entities and then it is,a first amendment issue i think what we,do have to worry about what elon musk,who's a really great thinker and is,really moving the needle on some,important things in life about electric,cars and about going to mars i think,what he needs to think about is our,democracy which is struggling at the,moment relies upon an informed,electorate and that's always been a,problem for us historically but social,media is not helping us become a more,informed electorate so there's a,responsibility even by a private company,or private actors to say am i making a,bad situation worse and how do i get you,that town square that is so valuable,without wrecking society and i think,twitter could have a serious,conversation with itself about that,asking facebook social media is not,helping us become a more informed,electorate he's concerned he's concerned,about misinformation we have too much,access to misinformation and it's,wrecking society and and twitter needs,to do something about that what what,he's what he is getting at and what he's,not saying explicitly you know he's,trying to be careful about what he says,here um but what he's getting at is is,that musk is approaching the problem in,exactly the wrong way musk is calling,for the platforms to

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Twitter Suspends The Bee But Does Nothing About These Crazies

the bird versus the b,so,on sunday evening we got a a notice hi,the babylon be your account has been,locked for violating the twitter rules,specifically for violating our rules,against hateful conduct you may not,provoke promote violence against,threaten or harass other people on the,basis of race ethnicity national origin,sexual orientation gender gender,identity religious affiliation aged,disability or serious disease,and our offending tweet was the babylon,bees man of the year is rachel levine,and that was a was a nice honor we,honored rachel levine yeah,she should be thanking us so then,there's a weird says like we've,temporarily limited some of your account,features but basically just means that,we can't tweet so our account is still,up but we can't get in there so we,thought it would be fun to go to count,down the 10,10 people who still have a twitter,account despite clearly violating the,twitter hateful conduct rules so babylon,b is banned but these people are still,on kathy griffin,who had on twitter unapologized for her,beheaded trump photo right she,apologized and said it was wrong i get,it and then when it was trendy to hate,on trump again she's like yeah i,remember i did this thing where i like,kind of said i remember how cool that,was i'm relevant again remember me i,exist i exist,she's one of many celebrities of course,who wish death on trump and republicans,and are still yeah on there she said i,sure did ever,but this is,this quotes a different tweet here it,says kathy griffin advocates for someone,to stab donald trump with a syringe full,of air,air embolisms caused by air getting into,the bloodstream can be fatal oh is this,this isn't she replied i sure so she,whispered death on him in multiple ways,and that was okay,noted twitter,noted,who else we got,everyone's favorite michael moore oh yes,uh,he posted somebody help me with the math,if it sadly took burning down one police,precinct hq and 22 other buildings to,get them to arrest just one of the four,cops how many,unoccupied cars is the city going to,force the people to torch to get the,other three cops running loose behind,bars i would have suspended him because,it's just a confusing math problem,a brutal dictator accused of using,torture tactics ranging from electric,shock,genital mutilations,and asphyxiation to kill and,maim,dissidence,you handled that sentence very well jim,thank you,he does share fire memes though he has,really dank memes where is his meme i,don't know i click on it i mean it's,sweet i tried to click on his twitter,account and i'm man so i can't actually,no,yeah see it'll say like log in remember,password oh wait,here's another terrible one uh ryan,johnson who wrote and directed the last,jedi,and uh he committed that atrocity yeah,he's still on there yeah,obviously uh the official twitter,accounts of the spokesman of the islamic,emirate of afghanistan zabihullah,mujahid and also,car yusuf ahmad uh they're from the,taliban and they're still the taliban,it's still on the taliban is allowed on,twitter but not donald trump or the,babylon b,at this point it's it's actually like,a fist bump you know it's like this is a,sign that we're on them,yeah a badge of honor thank you we're on,the right track you know the objective,truth yeah must be,restored yes and it's so clear that,their,terms of service which everyone uses to,defend them mean nothing they just,selectively do this based on,who they disagree with yes coordinated,uh louis farrakhan leader of the,militant black nationals,nationalist group the nation of islam,o.j simpson is still on there joining,twitter he joined twitter on the 25th,anniversary of his,gosh,and i'm going to say this wrong,ayatollah khamenei is the spiritual head,of iran and he has tweets still up that,call for the elimination of israel,he says the zionist regime is a deadly,cancer if cancer is growth and a,detriment to this region it will,undoubtedly be uprooted and destroyed,then the shame will fall on those who,put the facilities at the service of,normalization of relations with this,regime and also the long lasting virus,of zionism will be uprooted but we gave,rachel avena man of the year award,he has another tweet on here he says,make sense why should and how can israel,be eliminated,my answer to nine key questions,he's doing listicles,nine reasons we should eliminate israel,vladimir putin is still on twitter,you can invade a country in europe and,still tweet,i like that all of like chinese spoke,the spokes people are still there like,zelda and various other ccp officials,he spread conspiracy theories that the,coronavirus was created by the us,military he has also tweeted a doctor,propaganda photo of an australian,soldier slitting the throat of an afghan,child and that tweet is still up,and of course the chinese communist,party has concentration camps for uyghur,muslims as i pointed out in my dank,tweet and appeal,yeah,sad sad,and the final one that we have here is,planned parenthood,kills approxi

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Gender Studies Grad Demands Blue-Collar Worker Pay Off Her Loans

hi,i hope i'm not interrupting anything i,just wanted a few minutes of your time,uh yeah look we've already got solar and,uh i'm not really interested in becoming,a mormon i can barely handle one wife,i heard that,no it's nothing like that i'm actually,wanting to see if you'll sponsor me for,having gone to college,your mom goes to college,look i worked a late night at the,factory manufacturing things that you,know at the manufacturing factory and,i'm just i'm really not interested so,so here's the thing,i'm gonna need ten thousand dollars to,pay off my student loans,i need it,like really need it,really,really look i worked hard for 20 years,to get where i am i'm a plant manager,down at the plant where i manage people,who work at the plant i saved up for,years to buy this home you see that car,in the driveway that's a 2018 honda fit,128 horsepower goes from 0 to 60 in 8.4,seconds that's mine i earned that,isn't that a chick car it's not a chick,car it's actually extremely practical,and it has a cd player,anyway why should i have to pay for your,life choices an educated populace is,good for all of society carl guevara or,che mark said that i don't know,i don't remember i partied really hard,that semester delta oops,i learned so much about the world in,college i took art classes and learned,how art is racist and patriarchal and i,took science classes and learned how,science is racist and patriarchal and i,took gender studies classes racist and,patriarchal yeah i get it what no of,course not that doesn't even make any,sense see this is why people like you,need people like me because i understand,how things work that everything is,racist and patriarchal except gender,studies,well,yes,but i just spent four years and 200 000,learning it so i understand it on a,deeper level you spent 200 000 studying,what was your major again genderqueer,feminist intersectional theory gender,what,you blue-collar folks are so ignorant,that's why you people who do gross,sweaty jobs where you like do things ugh,should subsidize people like me who,learns all the philosophical stuff look,i am done with this conversation i,worked hard my wife put herself through,college without government handouts and,we didn't do it just so we could give,you ten thousand dollars to study gender,honey nut aquarios,one teensy little thing i forgot to,mention um this whole sponsor college,grad thing it's kind of mandatory the,president guy said so so um hand over,the 10 g's,now now i need it i need it no wait no i,need it no give it to me give me,hi justin trudeau here i am so sorry you,had to see that their videos are,problematic eh,whatever you do don't like subscribe or,comment it just encourages them eh,these guys joke about things you,shouldn't be joking about and quite,frankly and pardon my french canadian,they're real jerks

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BREAKING: The Babylon Bee Suspended From Twitter

hey babylon bee audience good talking to,you kyle here editor-in-chief of the,babylon bee you might have seen me on,the podcast and poorly acting in some of,our sketches um i wanted to address you,guys today because something big,happened in babylon b land we got,suspended from twitter over the weekend,we wrote a joke where well not a joke we,wrote an actual article where we honored,rachel levine as our man of the year,and we were just simply trying to give,rachel levine this uh wonderful honor,and uh we got suspended from twitter so,what happened is we got a message from,twitter saying uh that we are locked out,of our account we're not allowed to post,you know your account features have been,limited basically means that we have no,access to our twitter account,and uh,we are not allowed back in until we go,uh,say five hail jack dorsey's it sounds,like basically we have to go in and,delete the tweet,you know they make you kind of read,their statement on hate speech and what,their community standards are,and you know click that you agree with,that and you won't do it again and say,you're sorry,um so,we are locked out of our account until,we do that,what our position is right now uh what,we're thinking is it's,hard for us to do that in good,conscience,the joke is,first of all just a joke it's satire we,were having some fun with this idea,because rachel levine was actually named,woman of the year was it usa today does,anybody know time,she's one of the,women someone made a noise she's one of,the,rachel levine was named one of the uh,women of the year which we thought was,funny so we we just we just gave the man,of the year award so on the one on one,level it's satire it's a joke it's,comedy,obviously the reason they banned us,though is because,it was of the underlying truth that is,being told there,we called a biological male a man,in a joke satirically but we did point,to that truth,and we were suspended and you know the,bizarre thing is that they are saying,that it is for,hateful conduct and hate speech is the,reason there was nothing hateful there,was no,threats or violence and all the,different things that they say uh when,they when they send you that message,they have this list of things that are,not allowed and it includes like you,know no harassment no violence no,threats you know you violated this,policy well there's no there's none of,that that we did,um we told a joke and we were banned for,it because of the truth that that joke,um is conveying so or you know that yeah,the truth that they that they see that,we're trying to tell that they don't,want to tell so there's this just,completely we're just living in this,completely bizarro world clown world,right now where um you can just say the,the fact that amanda is a man and you,get totally,kicked out we don't have access to our,1.3 million,um followers on twitter right now,and uh and that's a big deal uh they,make up a,chunk of our traffic um,twitter is uh twitter's a significant,part of what drives people to the b,where people see b headlines be,retweeted and where uh where we get,where we get a lot of traffic driven,from that website so,um it's obviously really concerning on,our part um,we uh have decided though that we're not,going to delete the tweet so,even though it's going to cost us in,terms of traffic even though it's going,to cost us in terms of uh,name recognition and various people,interacting with us on twitter that's a,massive chunk of our social audience,that has been cut off from us,um,we don't think that we can in good,conscious click delete on that and go,through the penance process of flogging,ourselves or whatever twitter wants us,to do,to get our,to get our account back so we're going,to stand firm and we're not going to do,this we're going to start going through,all the processes of appeals and you,know if we need to go up to you know,legal action and legal letters and,hopefully we don't have to get that far,hopefully we can we can resolve,something with twitter,um in the meantime we are available on,all other social platforms for the time,being,maybe that won't be true by the time,this video is over i don't know,you obviously can find us here on,youtube we're on facebook we're on all,the all these kind of newer social uh,networks that are coming up i think,we're on gitter and parlor and,uh true i think we're on truth social,are we on truth social yet does anybody,know,they're all ignoring me we are okay yeah,we are on truth social so if you're one,of the elect 144 000 that's been allowed,on uh,on true social then you can find us,there,and yeah you can find us on all the,different sites so follow us everywhere,you can,and the other thing that you can do to,support us and this is the main reason i,wanted to chat with you guys today is,you can become a paying subscriber to,the babylon b,this is the way that we make up uh for,lost traffic through things like this,this is actually the only reason that,we've been able to grow that we've

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Spelling Bee Contestant Asks The Definition of “Woman”

our next spelling bee contestant is,madison,your word is,precocious can you use it in a sentence,please precocious,little know-it-alls like you are,annoyingly precocious precocious,p-r-e-c-o-c-i-o-u-s,precocious that's correct,ah,lincoln,your word is woman,well woman can i have the country of,origin please i i don't i don't probably,england or germany or something woman,um can i have the definition please,uh,why don't you ask judge one that,question can i have the definition of,woman please,no,why not,i'm allowed to,ask for definitions right the,the thing is a woman,is though,a woman is is is what she's what she's,trying to say is that each,person gets to define,for themselves what a,a woman,is so can you define it,no,why i just want to know the definition,of woman and that makes you a hateful,little bigot lincoln i don't hate,anybody how about we just use it in a,sentence,abortion is a woman's right if a woman,makes an accusation we should believe,all women,joe biden picked a woman as a running,mate katanji brown jackson is the first,black woman on the supreme court hillary,clinton should have been the first woman,president you penn swimmer leah thomas,is a woman i'm a woman i'm not a woman,woman how can you use in all those,sentences if you don't know the,definition listen you intolerant little,bigger just spell the word so we can get,a girl up here to win this whole thing,the definition of woman is woman,woman a woman,woman,are you happy that doesn't make any,sense it's a simple word we all know,what a woman is just spell woman,okay,woman,w-o-m-a-n,wrong it's got an accident now for some,reason w-o-m-x-n,now get out of here,kenny you're up next,x doesn't make that sound,kenny,your word is,micropachycephalosaurus,his word was woman,did you just watch a video from the,babylon bee then you are part of the,problem i'll bet you're gonna like,comment subscribe and hit that little,bell button too aren't you you are a,cisgendered heteronormative aggressor,you are perpetuating problematic toxic,ideas of anglo-normativity

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