Dave Chappelle Speaks About ‘The Closer’ Controversy During Recent Performance!
as we said in the press,that i was invited to speak to the,transgender employees of netflix and i,refuse,that is not true,if they had invited me i would have,accepted it although i am confused about,what we are speaking about,i said what i said and boy i heard what,you said,my god,how could i not,you said you want a safe working,environment at netflix well it seems,like i'm the only one that can't go to,the office anymore,i want everyone in this audience to know,that even though the media frames us,that it's me versus that community,that is not what it is,do not blame the lbgtq community for any,of this this has nothing to do with,them it's about corporate interest and,what i can say,and what i cannot say,for the record,and i need you to know this,everyone i know from that community has,been nothing but loving and supporting,so i don't know what all this nonsense,is about,in summer 2020,when the whole world shut down,i was outside,doing shows,my neighbor had a cornfield and he let,me throw shows there and people came,from all over the country some people,came from around the world,to see those shows the best comedians,on earth,came to my home and broke bread with me,and we lived our lives we found a way to,keep moving,forward i made a whole documentary about,it,the first night of those shows was a,piece that some of you might have seen,it was called 846 and have dealt with,the death,the murder,of george floyd,this film that i made was invited to,every film festival in the united states,and some of those invitations i accepted,and when this controversy,came out,about the close-up,they began disinviting me from these,film festivals,and now,today,not a film company not a movie studio,not a film festival nobody will touch,this film thank god for teds randalls,and netflix he's the only one who didn't,cancel me yet,to the transgender community i'm more,than willing,to give you an audience,but you will not summon me,i am not bending to anybody's demands,and if you want to meet with me i'd be,more than willing to but i have some,conditions,first of all,you cannot come,if you have not watched my special from,beginning to end,you must come to a place of my choosing,at a time,of my choosing,and thirdly,you must admit that hannah gatsby is not,funny,i desperately want people to see this,movie,but i understand why investors would be,nervous since nobody will touch it i'll,tell you what i'll do,i will make it available,for all of you in 10 american cities,going on sale in the next few days,you will be able to see this movie in,its entirety and you can see what,they're trying to obstruct you from,seeing,and you can judge for yourself but you,cannot have this conversation,and exclude my voice from it that is,only fair,you have to answer the question am i,canceled or not,then let's go thank you very much and,good night,you
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Dave Chappelle - Unforgiven (Full HD Special)
Dave Chappelle - Unforgiven (Full HD Special)
all right here's the story,i started doing stand-up comedy when i,was 14.,i'll never forget the first time i was,on stage the guy that introduced me was,a guy named jt newton,i'm 47. i can close my eyes and remember,the introduction like it was yesterday,it went like this ladies and gentlemen,this next young man coming to the stage,is starting his comedy career tonight,who knows we may be witnessing the birth,of a star,please welcome david chapel,from the first time that i ever held a,microphone,i was sure this was it i knew i was home,i knew i had found my thing and my god,man,my god man i was a child,i got good matter of fact i was good,from the moment i started and i'm not,saying this to be a bracket i'm telling,you the truth,these old was in awe of me how,was this little boy,so poised they used to say,that was i mean you know i got better,but,it started out good about a year into it,when i was 15 years old i had written a,joke,during the aids epidemic about having a,good year condom,something i don't even remember the joke,something about an industrial strength,condom by goodyear,i just remember all the comedians really,liked that joke,and there was an older comedian and he,came to me one night after the show,after he saw the joke and he said listen,i got an audition at another comedy club,and i was wondering do you mind if i do,that joke i just i just want to borrow,it now,i'm a kid i don't know any better i'm,like borrow it well i guess sure,if it'll help your career,i let him do the joke and then weeks,later,i was waiting to go on in the comedy,club and he went on before me,and he did the joke and after the show i,pulled him aside and i said hey man i,don't mind you borrowing my jokes but,you got to give him back,he said oh i forgot to ask you he goes,let me buy that joke from you for fifty,dollars,and i said man i'd do it but i'm just,starting out i need all the material i,can get,the idea being that the more material i,can accumulate,the faster i'll be able to make money,for my work,i said i can't do it i want my joke back,i'll never forget this remember i was a,15 year old child,this guy was a grown ass man he stood up,over me so i could see how big he was,and he said to me really,i can just take it,and he did i got scared,because i was a child but i never forgot,that,i never forgot that i was 15 years old,i'm 47 now,i think about this guy all the time when,i look at my own kids and i see how,young and innocent they are,i can't believe someone did that to me,and i don't think about it every day,because that was the worst thing that,happened to me,i think about it every day because that,was the,first time someone ever did that to me,but in my career it has happened many,many times,since when someone would intimidate me,or scare me and take something,that i believe was mine,tell you another story,now i'm 18 years old,i'm living in new york city and i just,finished my first road tour which was a,very difficult tour i'll spare you the,details now i'm back in new york but my,rent is paid,thank god and i have 60 dollars to my,name,and a woman that i met in pittsburgh a,bad,dominican ,was coming to new york she was going to,spend the weekend with me,i couldn't wait for her to get there she,was coming that evening remember,i only had 60 hours for a whole weekend,to entertain a bad ,now i'm walking through greenwich,village,and i see something i've never seen,before three card monthly you know what,that is,yeah the guy had the whole thing the,table was set up and he had the three,cards and the crowd was hooting and,hollering and he was like find the red,card find the red card and people were,playing,sometimes they win sometimes they lose,but it was really exciting and i'm,standing there watching it and i noticed,while i'm watching them play this game,that the red card the one you're trying,to find,had just a little bend on the corner,and i'm watching and i'm like yo this,guy doesn't seem to know that red card,is bit,i'm gonna beat this ,and i walked up to the table and i said,let me play a hand and i put my last,sixty dollars on that table and he,starts to shuffle and find the red card,find the red card and i kept watching,that bent card go around the table make,sure i kept my eyes on that bent card,and when he stopped shuffling and he,said find the red card,i pointed to it with confidence here it,is right here,and he flipped it over and it was black,and he took my money i couldn't ,believe that how did this do that,was that magic or sorcery,i was confused so you know what i did i,sat there and i,watched him for a real long time,play the game and i realized,that all those people who was doing all,that hooting and hollering and betting,my god they were his friends they were,in on the whole thing,i felt so wronged i felt so stupid,and then the next sucker came up to the,table and was about to put his money,down,and i said that man don't put your,money there all these is in on it,it's a trick and when i said
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Dave Chappelle Completely Destroys Cancel Culture
Dave Chappelle Completely Destroys Cancel Culture
uh duh,hey there,if you do anything wrong in your life,duh and i find out about it i'm gonna,try to take everything away from you and,i don't care what i find out could be,today tomorrow 15 20 years from now if i,find out you're dude finished,who who's that,that's you,that's what the audience sounds like to,me,that's why i don't be coming out doing,comedy all the time cause y'all ,is the worst i've ever,tried to entertain in my life,are you surprised though by the by the,criticism that's that's come your way no,and i don't mind that that people get,upset some of this criticism like is,helpful like i get educated by it i,don't necessarily agree with all of it,but i learned about,a lot of things,you know just from my critics i am not,saying that to say,that trans,women aren't women,i am just saying,that those that they got,you know what i mean,i'm not saying it's not but that's,like,beyond or impossible ,tastes like that's not quite what,it is is it,it's not blood that's beet juice,but you guys got to remember i'm not,saying it to be mean,i'm saying it because it's funny,and everything's funny until it happens,to you,if bad things happen to someone else,that's not that's not necessarily funny,look at it this way,i grew up in the crack epidemic i tell,jokes about i grew up in the crack,epidemic,and now there is an opioid epidemic,are they treating the opioid epidemic,the way that they treated the crack,epidemic,no this is a national health emergency,when we were coming up we were policed,by the national guard addicts were,criminals,now they understand addicts are sick,people and maybe it's because the,demographic,of the opioid epidemic is not the same,demographic,of the crack epidemic racially i mean,we're talking about race right so now,that your community is getting destroyed,is a whole nother ballgame,and then you have it's a huge window of,empathy oh my god we can see each other,we both went through similar pain but,i'm just saying everything's funny is,what happens he was more about,is more about empathy that you,there but for the grace of god,but there's a more important reason that,i would stop doing comedy right now,and this reason is the real reason,that's been percolating and it really is,the crowd not you,i'm talking about,the crowd on the big stage it's too hard,to entertain a country whose ears are so,brittle, are so sensitive the whole,country is turned into,bitch-ass ,everything you say upsets somebody,you know i can remember when it all,started it was when i was doing,chappelle show when i was doing,chappelle show,i just do the show and then on the,weekends i do like concerts and ,like that so i'm doing a concert and,there was a couple in the front row,beautiful couple the wife,wife was obviously asian,you can see it in her face,the husband,this was mysterious to say,the least,couldn't quite pinpoint where he was,from caramel colored fella very nice,hair but it could have been from,anywhere bangladesh mexico i can't guess,with a like this,all i knew for sure,about this guy,is that his wife was a ,i could see that in her face too,no he was laughing and having a good,time and she was scowling at me at a,goddamn comedy show i couldn't figure it,out,and then i realized at some point that,she was pregnant and i was smoking on,stage i said oh my god that's probably,why she's mad so i started to put my,cigarette out but then she hit me with,one of them fake non-smoker calls,so i just kept smoking i thought to,myself that babe would be fine,relax,and i tried to break the tension i just,asked her it's all i said i go hey where,you guys from anyway and i could tell,that she was on to me she goes very,condescendingly she says,i'm,from,california,if you are asking my ethnicity,i am,chinese and her husband was just cool,about this he was like a mexican,bro,i said well i'm sorry if i offended you,by asking but you're a very beautiful,couple,and miss there's no question that you're,going to give birth to the hardest,working baby this world has ever seen,that's not a bad joke,she got very upset she got up to leave,immediately but she didn't just leave,she had to take one last dig at me on,the way out,i will never buy one of your ,dvds again,dave chappelle,i said ma'am with all due respect,chinese people don't buy dvds,and the crowd went crazy we've all,laughing having a good time i didn't,even think anything of it and then just,three days later this lady sends a, letter to my promoter telling,him not to book me for shows anymore,because i was quote racist huh,and and i'm quoting her insensitive to,the nature of my interracial marriage i,was like word i was,and she had just done a little bit of,research,she would know that i myself am in an,interracial marriage,that's right,in fact,my wife is asian too, i'll see you on thanksgiving,but my wife's not chinese,she's filipino,that's right that's right and our kids,are puerto ricans somehow so there you,go,i don't give a about interracial in,fact you know what my mo
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33 Minutes of Dave Chappelle
33 Minutes of Dave Chappelle
just one time racism saved my life me,and I was I was on a plane,I was coming I was coming from overseas,and I don't know how this guy got a,machine gun on the plane but he stood up,and he said everybody get on the,ground nobody look at my face I started,freaking out cuz he was Chinese I was,like why is he talking like that,with screaming a crime I was the only,brother on the plane well I thought only,brother I looked over there was one of,the black dude he's from Nigeria I,looked over them he was looking right in,my face man,he didn't say two words to me just like,the music,didn't need to talk I know we just was,talking about looking right back at him,let's write some white dudes on the,front of planes seen us ooh my god,riah does communicatin that we,understood the situation we were both,seeing the same thing what we understood,was simple terrorists don't take black,hostages that's the truth I have yet to,see one of us on the news reading the,hostage of energy they is treating us,good we are chilling this I'd like,to give a shout-out to Ray Ray a big,Steve,you're not gonna see it terrorism smart,they know what they're doing there you,know they terrorists they know what the,black people's bad bargaining chips they,called the White House hello we have got,five blood hello,I'm having an artistic dilemma I have,two poems one poem is older and one poem,I just wrote backstage which one would,you like to hear wait how many for the,old one,how many put a new one all right so,remember if it sucks you asked for it,one night at 3:00 a.m. I went to the,corner store I forgot why oh that's,right I wanted to bite I had the,munchies because I was hired the store,is owned by mr. Fong and every day sees,me he does me wrong he's Korean,now I'd never say I hate all Korean,people I haven't met all Korean people,that hate talks for savages but even,though I don't generalize I do do,percentages and averages,so far I hate 1 out of 5 Korean people,have been faithful,so I come in the store hello mr. fall I,say,and he just scows with me and growls at,me by something hearty up now look I'm,not stealing in the least but if you're,shopping and you know someone's watching,your shop bet you to make you look like,a thief,he's long said hey I've been watching,you since you came in the door buy,something now or get out of my store now,I couldn't take it anymore hey hey I,said raising my hand take your fingers,out of my face,first of all say hey hey what make you,think of Chinese you must not know it,just sin you made a mistake breckman at,least know Fung is Corinne now I was,wrong I was wrong I said mr. Fung I'm,sorry to offend by mistake in your race,but you gotta admit if it was a Chinese,look-alike contest your ass would place,you're a dead ringer for Chinese but,don't be mad at me I didn't mean to,offend you in the least you know some,people say all black people look alike,we call those people police thank too,much out there to stress you out,whole world is drug infested hate,infested drug infested worl hate drugs,heard the worst drugs three no my friend,told me you know what he's dealing with,his landlord is hooked on crack that's,that's terrible as pressure your,landlord's hooked on crack that means,you gotta have the rent not even due yet,it's too tense,let me just get $20 of it now and then,it's gonna risk the other one every,couple hours Hey look I'm gonna need,some more of the Ring buildings falling,apart things came up comes home early,for the party landlords in the crib,going through his buddy go to my,house ah where's the sink I came to fix,it send the kitchen I thought it was in,the drawer I'll fix it tomorrow when I,come for the rent,can I help out drugs I hate one like,people my age and older get hooked on,crack I hate that ooh,you're too old to be experiment with the,drugs at a certain point you should be,past that ain't doing it by a certain,point you just miss it drugs are really,bold people anyway you 75 you learn to,write I'm 575 I do coke heroin,everything I want to give a I've,been walking down the street that guy,boy that old man is tripping,can't do everything maybe we'd we're,gonna do something do Louise smokes we,weeds not as bad as everything else,Swede is a background substance only you,can smoke some herb and still function,and you ain't crisp but you'll function,nothing higher than weed though I made,that mistake one time I house at a party,some guy gave me some shitty zai here,man take this,it's mushrooms I took it I,forgot all about it you know then a,couple days later I found it in my,pocket I'm thinking why not,cuz I'm thinking it's like we some,background I plan my whole day out,like it was we I'll chew his up,then I go to the barber shop get my hair,cut and then I'll see a movie,I chewed it up so far so good,then I was in a barber shop like an hour,later and it's funny because I was just,thinking my son's like oh this stuff,sucks,tastes like athlete's foot,I feel sick but I'm not really high then,I look
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Dave Chappelle - Stunted | I'm Not Cancelled! Live from his Official Instagram
Dave Chappelle - Stunted | I'm Not Cancelled! Live from his Official Instagram
as we said in the press,that i was invited to speak to the,transgender employees of netflix and i,refuse,that it's not true if they had invited,me i would have accepted it although i,am confused about what we are speaking,about,i said what i said and boy i heard what,you said,my,god how could i not,you said you want a safe working,environment at netflix well it seems,like i'm the only one that can't go to,the office anymore,i want everyone in this audience to know,that even though the media frames us,that it's me versus that community,that is not what it is,do not blame the lbgtq community for any,of this this has nothing to do with,them it's about corporate interest and,what i can say,and what i cannot say,for the record,and i need you to know this,everyone i know from that community has,been nothing but loving and supporting,so i don't know what all this nonsense,is about,in summer 2020,when the whole world shut down i was,outside,doing shows,my neighbor had a cornfield and he let,me throw shows there and people came,from all over the country some people,came from around the world,to see those shows the best comedians,on earth,came to my home and broke bread with me,and we lived our lives we found a way to,keep moving forward,i made a whole documentary about it,the first night of those shows was a,piece that some of you might have seen,it was called 846 and it dealt with the,death,the murder,of george floyd,this film that i made was invited to,every film festival in the united states,and some of those invitations i accepted,and when this controversy,came out,about the close-up,they began disinviting me from these,film festivals and now,today,not a film company not a movie studio,not a film festival nobody will touch,this film thank god for tess randles and,netflix he's the only one that didn't,cancel me yet,to the transgender community i'm more,than willing,to give you an audience,but you will not summon me,i am not bending to anybody's demands,and if you want to meet with me i'd be,more than willing to but i have some,conditions,first of all,you cannot come,if you have not watched my special from,beginning to end,you must come to a place of my choosing,and a time,of my choosing,and thirdly,you must admit that hannah gatsby is not,funny,i desperately want people to see this,movie,but i understand why investors would be,nervous since nobody will touch it i'll,tell you what i'll do,i will make it available for all of you,in 10 american cities,going on sale in the next few days,you will be able to see this movie in,its entirety and you can see what,they're trying to obstruct you from,seeing,and you can judge for yourself but you,cannot have this conversation,and exclude my voice from it,that is only fair,you have to answer the question am i,canceled or not,then let's go thank you very much and,good night,you
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WATCH: Dave Chappelle REFUSES to Be Cancelled
WATCH: Dave Chappelle REFUSES to Be Cancelled
we have now had in this country more,controversy over dave chappelle making,jokes about transness than we had over,joe biden completely surrendering an,entire country to the taliban which,shows you where our priorities are as a,nation,but dave chappelle for his part is doing,something quite important he's standing,up and he's just saying no and that's,really really important it's important,because most of the people who are,targeted by the woke cancel culture,crowd are not dave chappelle they're not,one of the most powerful comedians on,the planet who's worth a bajillion,dollars most people are people who are,targeted inside their organizations,people who are outed for some comment on,facebook people who have been ostracized,from their social circles and when they,see dave chappelle saying no they too,are empowered to say no because that's,the thing about the counselors you don't,have to be canceled if you don't want to,be canceled now that doesn't mean they,won't be fired it doesn't mean they,won't feel repercussions it does mean,there's a whole side of the aisle out,here waiting to embrace you if you,decide that you don't care whether you,are canceled or not by people who,despise you anyway so dave chappelle did,another comedy bit yesterday,and,in this comedy bit he explicitly talked,about meeting with the trans community,right this is something that many of the,people who were protesting him demanded,a meeting a meeting they needed a,meeting now i'm not sure what they think,would get done at the meeting other than,they would get to lecture chappelle and,they think what chappelle was going to,just sit there and apologize for his,jokes which comedians typically are not,in the vein of doing well chappelle did,another comedy set last night and he,addressed exactly this complaint and,demand,to the transgender community i'm more,than willing,to give you an audience,but she will not summon me,i am not bending to anybody's demands,and if you want to meet with me i'd be,more than willing to,but i have some conditions,first of all,you cannot come,if you have not watched my special from,beginning to end you must come to a,place of my choosing,and a time,of my choosing,and thirdly,you must admit,that hannah gatsby is not funny,i'm sorry like i'm sorry that he's funny,guys i'm sorry that he's funny and then,he's going to continue to be very,successful because he is funny now even,chappelle who is again the most,successful comedian on planet earth that,netflix plays and pays him just,oodles of cash in order to get him to do,his specials with them even chappelle is,now saying that he is at risk of being,de-platformed he says he produces,documentary and many of the major,distributors will no longer touch his,work other than his comedy specials,they're happy to make money off his,comedy specials but they're not going to,look at his ancillary work because he's,just too offensive here he was,discussing this,this film that i made was invited to,every film festival in the united states,and some of those invitations i accepted,and when this controversy,came out,about the close-up,they began disinviting me from these,film festivals and now,today,not a film company not a movie studio,not a film festival nobody will touch,this film thank god for teds randalls,and netflix he's the only one that,didn't cancel me yet,okay so he's uh thanking god for netflix,we'll see how long netflix lasts or,whether they choose to undergo this,controversy again and here's the thing,dave chappelle i'm sure that you and i,disagree on nearly everything i'm sure,that you have attacked people who work,with daily wire i mean i know you have,you've done it publicly with for example,candace owens i don't care i'd be happy,to work with dave chappelle i'm sure,candace owns would be happy to have dave,chappelle working over here too we don't,care because we are much more,open-minded than the left is when it,comes to jokes that target us again in,dave chappelle special he tells two,separate anti-semitic jokes no one seems,to care including me because the fact is,that while i don't like the jokes and i,don't really think they're funny,i am not the arbiter of what great humor,is i'm not the sole arbiter nor do i,feel that people ought to be silenced on,the basis of me not liking a particular,joke,so if he's looking for distributors who,are never going to cancel him he will,find himself on the right side of the,aisle sooner or later whether he likes,it or not because the left is just going,to continue,cordoning off all the areas where dave,chappelle is allowed to work there is a,great irony by the way in the fact that,the vast majority of people who are very,angry at dave chappelle are upper-class,white liberals,you have a black man who's becoming,incredibly successful by telling jokes,coming from a background that was not,wealthy,and you have a bunch of upper-class,white woke liberals who are very very,upset at dave chappelle because he,noticed that a man is a
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Dave Chappelle's Son Meets Kevin Hart | Netflix Is A Joke
Dave Chappelle's Son Meets Kevin Hart | Netflix Is A Joke
- I was at home when my son busted in,and he said, "Dad, Dad, I need $250.",He's only 12 years old so I freaked out.,"What's going on nigger?,"Somebody trying to kill you?",(audience laughing),He said, "No, no.,"Kevin Hart's coming to town
and I wanted to see his show.",I said, "Well, how much are the tickets?",He said, "They're $125.",I said, "God damn, mine are only $80!",(audience laughing),I said, "Why do you need $250 then?",He goes, "Because I want to
go with you, Dad, please?",And there it is.,So I took him to the show.,And we go sit right up
front, the lights go down,,and one opening act after another goes on.,Then Kevin takes the stage,
crowd goes fucking nuts.,Thousands of people!,I was furious.,(audience laughing),The longer the show went
on, the madder I got.,Because his show was fucking outstanding.,It was maddening.,These people fucking
holding their stomachs,,my son was slapping his knee.,Ha ha ha ha ha ha.,Ugh, nigger, I do this too.,(audience laughing),Kevin says good night,
the crowd goes crazy,,and then everyone starts
walking towards the door,,and the lights come on.,And then my son is just standing there,looking at an empty stage.,People are pushing past me
and nobody's recognized me,,and I'm like, "Man, this
place fucking sucks!",(audience laughing),I said, "Come on son,
lets get out of here.",And then my son looks
back at me and he says,,"Dad, please, please, I have to meet him.",I was like, "Oh my God.",So I took him back stage.,I've known Kevin for years,,but can you believe I was scared,to knock on his dressing room door?,I almost, "Son, I haven't seen
him or a long time, but I,",(knocking),And one of Kevin's goons opens the door.,"Hey what's up Dave Chappelle,
what are you doing, man?,"It's good to see ya brother,,"what are you doing in this area?,"This is a terrible area.","Yeah, actually I live around here.,"Listen, um,,(audience laughing),"is Kevin here?,"My son just wanted to
meet him real quick.","Well, I don't know, 'cause
Kevin's about to eat dinner.",Just then, Kevin came around
the corner to see who it was.,"Oh shit, what's up Dave?,"Come on back, I was just
about to have dinner.,"I don't know if you guys ate,,"but you're welcome to
join me if you'd like.",And then my son pushed past
with some cold shit, he goes,,"Actually, Mr. Hart, we haven't
eaten in several hours.",(audience laughing),Man, Kevin took us into his back room,,this guy had a fucking
spread, it was Tuesday night,,this mother fucker was
having Sunday dinner!,It was steaks, chops, corn
with butter all over it.,My son was eating all
fast and embarrassing me,,I was like, "Slow down, son!",(audience laughing),Then I looked over in the
corner, there was a box.,Custom made jerseys for the local team.,Each one was hand-stitched,,and on the back they
stitched on them K Hart,,on all of them.,Kevin saw me staring at that box,,and he went over and
grabbed one of them jerseys,and he walked right to my son and said,,"Hey little man, I want you to have this.",And my son was like, "Thanks, Mr. Hart.",This is when I got mad.,He goes, "If your father ever
makes you mad, put that on.",And he walked off.,(audience applauding),Oh, that was some cold shit.,And then I realized, looked
up what Kevin made on Google,,I couldn't believe that shit.,Kevin is the first comedian,that a Drake song could be about.,Kevin could walk around
the house and sing "All Me",and the whole song would still be true.,♪ Got everything, I got everything ♪,♪ I cannot complain, I cannot ♪,♪ I don't even know how
much I really made ♪,♪ I forgot, it's a lot ♪,♪ Fuck that, never mind what I got ♪,And his wife be like, "Kevin come to bed.",And he'd be like,,"Ho, shut the fuck up,
I got way too much.",(audience laughing),You know how much money you have to have,to tell a girl to shut the fuck up?,I have quite please money at best.,(audience laughing),I have to take a loan
out for shut the fuck up.,Shut the fuck up, that's Jay-Z money.,And Beyonce got no, you shut the fuck up.
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Dave Chappelle Finds Out His Son Smokes Weed | Netflix Is A Joke
Dave Chappelle Finds Out His Son Smokes Weed | Netflix Is A Joke
You know how I know I'm getting old?
This is embarrassing, but...,I was in my hotel room.,I was-- I'm not gonna lie,
I was jerking off.,And I was really sweating it out.,And this is when I knew I was old.,I just gave up in the middle
like nothing even happened.,I don't like looking at my dick anymore.,My dick looks distinguished.,It's old. An old-looking dick.,It's got salt-and-pepper hair
all around it.,My dick looks like Morgan Freeman
in the '90s.,Without the dots.,My dick narrates,,"Dave pulled me out
and started jerking me around.,Jerking me around.,But not with the same vigor
as when he was young.,He and I both knew
nothing was coming out.",I see my age in my children.,I came home from the road,
this is not long ago.,I'd been gone for-- If you picture,
I was gone for weeks and weeks,,and when I came back, nobody was home.,Not one person in my family thought that,maybe I'd like to see them
when I got back.,They knew when I was coming back,
but they just weren't...,They just weren't home.,And that shit was a wake-up call.,You know, like, when my kids were little,,and the tour bus would pull up
to the house,,these motherfuckers would spill out.,"Dad is home. Hooray!",And they'd hug me and kiss me.,And then, as the years went on,
they'd get less interested.,"Hey, everybody, look,
it's Mr. Promises back from the road.",But an empty house, that's...,That's some cold shit.,I went into my oldest son's room.
I was like, "Hello? Hello?",He was gone.,I'd never done this to him before,
but for some reason, I just did it.,I just... I just looked through his shit.,Just to see who this motherfucker
was becoming.,I found these notebooks, and I started
going through the notebooks,,and it was all this wonderful poetry
in them.,It was his handwriting.,I didn't even know this nigga wrote poems.,Then I look through his drawers,
and I open up his middle drawer...,and I found this rolling paper.,And I looked down
at them papers, like, "Oh...,that's where that poetry is coming from.",And that shit broke my heart.,I mean, I smoke weed,
but I mourned my son's innocence.,And I cried a little bit...,and I took his papers upstairs in my room.,Rolled some weed
that I'd hid from the family.,And I got really high.,And then I got paranoid...,so I put his papers back
how I found them...,so he wouldn't know what I was up to.,This nigga won't even know that
that happened till he sees this special.,Yeah, nigga, I found your papers.,He's a cold motherfucker.,This kid is only 16 years old.
Listen to what he did to me.,This motherfucker calls me up...,in the middle of the night.
It was one o'clock in the morning.,He goes, "Dad, don't be mad.",I knew something was terribly wrong.,I said, "What's going on?"
He said, "Listen, I'm fine.,And don't forget you told me to do this.,I'm at a party,,and my designated driver
had too much to drink.,Me and my friends need you
to come pick us up.",I said, "Jesus Christ.
It's one o'clock in the morning, nigga.,I am shitfaced.",But then I figured fuck,
it's better me than some kid.,I might as well roll the dice
and go pick my nigga up.,I said, "All right,
I'm coming to get you.,Give me the address
and I'll be right there.",And then he gave me the address,
and I was shocked.,I said, "Son, you are not
gonna believe this, but...,I'm at the same party, nigga."
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